guys thanks for all the feed back as always. I did take her with me and he was surprised! I had made the commitment to bring her but he figured I would change my mind. and I think it went very well. not earth shattering but I was able to tell her that I don't think I understand intimacy. at least not in the way we were talking about it. I told them both I feel like I am on guard to some extent always and I try to watch all the time. I watch to be sure I'm doing the right thing, watch to be sure I didn't hurt feelings,didn't give myself away too much.it feels that there is only so close I can allow even for her, but I think maybe now I want that to change,at least a little. hey its a start.
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"