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#451716 - 10/29/13 03:43 PM Highs and Lows
flightmedic38 Offline


Registered: 09/13/13
Posts: 78
Loc: Kansas
First and foremost I need to say thank you to each and every brother on MS. So the highs and lows. Not sure how to deal with them. On my good days I am on top of the world almost manic on my low days well I am suicidal. So far I have no I between days just the days I hold on for the ride. My T is amazing and allows me to text him any time I want. Just wondering if anyone else feels like this??

Flight
_________________________
Either get to living or get to dying!!!!! Shawshank redemption

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#451719 - 10/29/13 04:39 PM Re: Highs and Lows [Re: flightmedic38]
don64 Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 750
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Flight,

I can't relate to the highs and lows in the extremes you talk about. But, I clicked on your profile and noticed you're about 39 years old. According to the astrology folks, you are at one of the most volatile periods for humans. Supposedly, this is the first time we humans have the energy available to BEGIN to assess our life's experiences. The little I've read on the subject makes a lot of sense to me. I'm 64, and late 30's through mid forties were the most tumultuous years of my life. And I wasn't even conscious of my abuse issues.

I hope you can realize you are going through a natural very challenging time of life in addition to any other issues you may have going on. Sometimes, if I understand that things being really tough is par for the course right now, it makes things a little easier to ride through.

I'm thinking about you and sending you love and goodwill. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#451733 - 10/29/13 06:33 PM ! [Re: flightmedic38]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 10:21 PM)

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#451775 - 10/29/13 10:18 PM Re: Highs and Lows [Re: flightmedic38]
flightmedic38 Offline


Registered: 09/13/13
Posts: 78
Loc: Kansas
Small,
I see a shrink and a T. I am on several meds one that is to help with my suicidal ideation. I will say it is working because my thoughts have gone way down. My anxiety is doing much better but I have really bad days still. The Ups and Downs are what are so frustrating at this time. I feel bipolar in a since I am manic and then just a blubbering idiot.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

Davis
_________________________
Either get to living or get to dying!!!!! Shawshank redemption

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#451832 - 10/30/13 10:58 AM Re: Highs and Lows [Re: flightmedic38]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Davis.

This sounds familiar, after my crash in 2007 I had some periods where I felt utterly charged, felt as if I'd literally been struck by lightening but couldn't actually have the energy or grounding to concentrate on anything, then I'd have low periods where I even found holding onto reality long enough to stand upright difficult.

For me, there were far more lows than highs, often expressed in fugues, moments when I'd be lost in a sea of uncontrollable impressions, sounds, colours, bits of thought just rambling through my brain, sort of the negative equivolent of that sort of creative connectivity which I usually so much enjoy.

Thinking about it I'd not even describe the high moments as high, more just energetic, like balancing on the top of a very thin spire, knowing at some point I'd topple off and be swept up by the sea of impressions again, and then after that be left gnum, dead and apathetic.

The best way I found to cope with these states was to employ as much cold logic and ceribral activity as I could, something utterly devorced from emotions, (even the emotion of winning or competing). I once spent close to 36 hours straight playing a resource management economic style space trading game, just because when calculating costs and losses and whether it cost more to take 30 units of robots from earth to sirius or 30 units of drugs to new carson, I was not having to deal with my own emotions, my own energies.

At points when even this was too much, especially during fugues, I'd simply fill my brain with information, sit and read an article on wikipedia with a list of pure and simple facts.

I was also on antidepressants at the time as well,which helped level things out but didn't actually remove any of the effects, all I could do was literally just hold on, wait for them to pass, come on this site and talk about my feelings or write poetry, and slowly over time the more I connected things the less I fugued or had those uncontrollable high moments, (I don't think I've fugued now for about three years), the closest I came was two weeks last saturday, and that wasn't a fugue, just a storm of negative energy and emotion, but this time I knew how to deal with it.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but all you can do is what you are doing, keep going, work out ways of coping, talk on this site and eventually it'll get better, for all that I imagine you can't believe that much of the time.

Luke.

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