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#451275 - 10/25/13 02:31 PM I had a set back this week
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
My back and leg has been hurting me and my wife suggested I go see her Chiropractic. Well I did and I was feeling ok about the whole thing but then he had me lay on his table on my belly and started to adjust me and I started to panic I could hear him say "this might hurt a little" and I just started crying. In my mind I jumped of the table and floored him but that did not happen. When he was done I just grabbed my stuff and left. Now all this week I have been having nightmares and all the other feeling creeping back. It truly sucks!! I know I can get through this but I don't right now

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#451276 - 10/25/13 02:38 PM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
Kind of the same thing happened to me a few years ago when I got my first hernia check. I know it needed to be done, but the whole time I was wanting to crawl out of my skin. After it was over I quickly walked out, got in my car and bawled. Took me a while to calm down enough to where I could drive home and hide in my bed for the rest of the day. Had a hard time of it for about a week.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

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#451290 - 10/25/13 06:16 PM ! [Re: Lost Mountain]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 10:17 PM)

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#451315 - 10/26/13 01:56 AM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 121
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Hey Lost Mountain. I am sorry that visit to the Chiropractor was such a powerful trigger. Four years ago I went to see a Chiropractor to help me heal a lower back injury. At that time I hadn't really started to process my CSA, but it was there in the background. I can relate to the panic you felt. I dissociated on the table by trying to step out of my body for a while. I was being pinned and manipulated and touched and some of it hurt. I wasn't prepared to give up control of my body. I didn't know what was going to come next. I hadn't been controlled like that since my abuse. This was so not what I was expecting when I went in there. I knew intellectually what was going to happen, but that was so much different than having it done to me.

It did help my injury and I had a rapid recovery. Was paddling my kayak in a week, but the fear was so palpable. I still remember. Sorry you are going through this.

I have read that our body retains memories, especially our muscles. It's our nervous system probably more than the muscle fibers. The action of manipulating and deep touching can release and trigger these memories. I have heard of the use of massage therapy to try to release traumatic physical memories. I am sorry you suffered through this so unexpectedly. Hopefully this released some things you need to process. Even though it's painful and frightening you will through this. It sucks. Hang in there. Heal well.

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#451333 - 10/26/13 10:47 AM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1139
Loc: The ATL

Hi LM. Sorry to hear about this. Try not to see what happened in that Chiropractor's office as a "setback" though. I certainly don't see it that way. It was a triggering event and something that you dealt with and now sound like you're moving past. It was what it was and it happens. You're ok now. You didn't fail at anything or do anything wrong so, to me, that means it wasn't a "setback", just an unfortunate incident. You're ok man.

For myself, I've always had a lot of anxiety being handled by a chiropractor the few times I've been. I don't guess the ways I'm being touched in those sessions necessarily relate to the way in which I was touched in my childhood but I always freak out a little when someone's fucking around with my body and/or touching me in what feels like intimate ways. Also, I've had more then one person massage me, (never professionally), and tell me that I was the most tense person they've ever put their hands on. Not that I really even found those massages triggering per say, but all that tension they were feeling comes from somewhere and I know that's all about CSA related issues. Peace,

Ken

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#451621 - 10/28/13 07:37 PM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 186
Loc: Virginia
Hi LM. I can definitely relate! I had a vasectomy a few years ago and it was definitely REALLY uncomfortable. The surgery part was ok (albeit somewhat painful) but having someone I don't know down there was creepy. Sorry it freaked you out. Sounds like you're moving past it, though. You're doing fine.
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#469522 - 08/30/14 09:47 PM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 186
Loc: Virginia
Setbacks? Generally not. What I think really happens to guys like us is that we get through one thing (sometimes in a meandering, nonlinear manner) but then getting that item put into some semblance of peace allows the issue lurking below it to come out into the open so we can heal it.

I know none of this really moves in a straight line. It comes and goes, gets a little better and sometimes gets more painful. But if you find one issue gets easier to deal with but others surface, it just means they're ready to be dealt with. Setbacks? No. Steps forward disguised as steps back.
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#469527 - 08/31/14 12:56 AM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 325
Its perfectly normal to feel like this when you are in a vulnerable situation.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#469546 - 08/31/14 03:19 PM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
sorryson Offline


Registered: 05/31/14
Posts: 95
Take care of yourself. I know I have thinks that make me feel the little boy with the teacher and then I have those bad nightmares. I know you can make it through and the nightmares will pass. It sucks with what the abuser left us with and so many do not understand. Please let us know how you are doing.

P.

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#469562 - 09/01/14 03:42 AM Re: I had a set back this week [Re: Lost Mountain]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 411
Loc: west coast
Its a tough thing when you feel your body and emotions betray you without you being able to stop it. I wonder if it was the touch that was unexpected or the lack of control. I dont think it was the pain you felt but the remembrance of a distant call to accept the pain as part of the process you went through. Something like "Be a tough little man, you can take it".

I had a similar experience at my dentist. Needles and panic attacks. It was that i had a physically and emotionally abusive dentist from about 6 to 8. " Stop crying kid or I will give you something to really cry about" , as he stuck those old style autoclave needles into the roof of my mouth.

Let the chiropractor know you have a sense of apprehension. The Dr will then get your permission for each step so YOU are in control. If something is not comfortable , say so. You are entitled to make it a win win situation. He can help you with you feeling like you are part of the process.

Its ok to be vulnerable when you are in pain. Its harder for us to express that right up front but it will help the therapist understand there is something other than what he is doing that is causing pain, it will help him help you. He will think that he is hurting you, he doesn't know about the little boy. Just let him know he was not causing you pain, just you had a reaction. He will understand.

Warmest regards. it was not a set back, it was a body awareness that is still there. its ok

grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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