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#450898 - 10/21/13 10:29 PM Hey
Hartdaddy Offline


Registered: 10/18/13
Posts: 13
I feel like the new kid on the first day of school, let me just cut to the chase. When I was 35 I had a melt down, my life was falling apart, no I was falling apart. I was on the tail end of a wicked sexual addiction, the acting out could no longer masked the pain and my addiction was telling there was only one way out, death. I had been praying for a few years god to just let my die, deep down I knew I was a coward and I could not take my life on my own, but things were changing I was becoming more reckless I wanted out.
I made up my mind I was going to get out of this one way or another and me being the coward the last thing I didn't want was to go to hell. You could say going to hell really sacred the hell out of me, oh I forgot to mention I have a warped sense of humor. For some reason I thought if I went to confession first then maybe god would feel sorry for me and give me a break. So here I am in confession telling father it had been more than 10 years since my last confession, once I started I could not stop I was spilling my guts, then I just blerted (where the hell is the spell check) it out. When I was 5-6 yrs old I was molested by my cousin. That is when Father stopped me I mid-repent and told me that if I was molested that was not my sin, that was someone else's sin. He was the first person I ever told what happened to me. I worked with him for the next year, year in a half.

Now fast forward I am now 54 years old and I thought I had put the past to rest, however I feel I have unfinished business to deal with. I have been reading the post here and it has helped tremendously. I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing lives their hopes and their pain.

Dave

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#450901 - 10/21/13 10:56 PM Re: Hey [Re: Hartdaddy]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1389
Loc: kansas
welcome to ms.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#450903 - 10/21/13 11:02 PM Re: Hey [Re: Hartdaddy]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Dave - welcome!

you were so fortunate that the first person you told - told you the truth: it was NOT your fault!

i am glad you made it this far - and you are not a coward! it is a very courageous act to tell what was done to you. another brave step is coming here. you'll find lots of support, encouragement, resources and understanding among the members here.

share as much as you want when you want. take it easy and don't burn yourself out by overdosing right away. we will still be here.

if there is anything we can do to help - just speak up. you now know where to find us.
LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#450906 - 10/21/13 11:26 PM Re: Hey [Re: Hartdaddy]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3514
Loc: O Kanada
good to have you on board.

i am always happy to welcome
another warped sense of humour.

laughter is good medicine.

so is communication.

looking forward to hearing more from you.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#451146 - 10/24/13 12:47 AM Re: Hey [Re: Hartdaddy]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1596
Loc: New England
Welcome Dave,

Lots of us are like you. Middle aged, finally having the guts to face it. Lifetimes of addiction, failed relationships, and sexual problems. Its a wonder we're all still alive. Be we will all make it out of this hell together.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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