I feel like the new kid on the first day of school, let me just cut to the chase. When I was 35 I had a melt down, my life was falling apart, no I was falling apart. I was on the tail end of a wicked sexual addiction, the acting out could no longer masked the pain and my addiction was telling there was only one way out, death. I had been praying for a few years god to just let my die, deep down I knew I was a coward and I could not take my life on my own, but things were changing I was becoming more reckless I wanted out.
I made up my mind I was going to get out of this one way or another and me being the coward the last thing I didn't want was to go to hell. You could say going to hell really sacred the hell out of me, oh I forgot to mention I have a warped sense of humor. For some reason I thought if I went to confession first then maybe god would feel sorry for me and give me a break. So here I am in confession telling father it had been more than 10 years since my last confession, once I started I could not stop I was spilling my guts, then I just blerted (where the hell is the spell check) it out. When I was 5-6 yrs old I was molested by my cousin. That is when Father stopped me I mid-repent and told me that if I was molested that was not my sin, that was someone else's sin. He was the first person I ever told what happened to me. I worked with him for the next year, year in a half.
Now fast forward I am now 54 years old and I thought I had put the past to rest, however I feel I have unfinished business to deal with. I have been reading the post here and it has helped tremendously. I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing lives their hopes and their pain.