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#450246 - 10/15/13 03:19 PM Childhood is a River
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Childhood is a river
That begins as a trickle
Some yearning,
Some badass warrior sperm swimming
To make its loving mark on the soft waiting Earth.

It grows, with every act of parental love
Nourishing a child,
His life becomes a creek,
and then a little stream.

But I don't know much about that.
Because, With every misdirected thrust
Of your pelvis
You put foreign objects in my path
Things that should never belong in childhood.
Damming up my little stream.

I wanted so badly to play on that team,
Football, dirt biking,
Going out and being just one of the boys.
But I was busy, holding it all in,
Trying to stay alive in the family insanity
Pretending to be normal,
living in a computer game fantasy
Hot jocks passing me in the halls
Childhood dreams stunted
Rivers curving desperately
To find their way to the sea.
I weighed 100 lbs at 17.

I think of how you grew up,
Mom and dad, with bombs falling around you.
Precious little streams,
All blocked and muddied with the stains of war.
No one to teach you what love is.

I lost so much in that same war
You brought it into our home
With Wounds that you didn't heal
Before I came swimming
To make my loving mark, your son.

And so, you gave me life
And you stole so much of it
I have been clearing the dams from my river
For over 25 years.

Opening up what was closed and barricaded
Feeling the pain
And learning
To flow again.

That yearning is still alive in me
Some badass warrior sperm swimming
I'm Remembering my dreams
Playing football and riding dirt bikes,
yes.

Sweat beads under my helmet
Across my brow
I'm 32 years old
And playing tackle football
For the first time.

We lost the championship game
But I won a different championship.
A little boy grins happily on my shoulders
I recovered him
And dared to dream again.

I believe in the dreams
Of little boys and girls.
I honor and protect them.

Mammoth Tackle Football Championship Video-- my short speech is in the last minute!!!

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#450248 - 10/15/13 03:23 PM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 412
Loc: Canada
Exquisite
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#450311 - 10/16/13 02:08 AM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
ghostlights Offline


Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 26
Loc: Upstate NY
God I love your poems. So dense with imagery and meaning.
_________________________
-Dave

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#450351 - 10/16/13 01:11 PM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 332
Loc: NY
Rising Again:

Your poem is a painful yet wonderful collection of images. Thanks.

Because I developed a still sometimes bewildering hypervigilance with respect to other people's body parts, I particularly identify with inclusion of that in the description of your parents.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#450374 - 10/16/13 04:59 PM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Your poem put me in a state of melancholic, nostalgic, beautiful happiness. Daring to dream again, and to dream for others...you are a hero and I look up to you.
_________________________
Husky

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#450522 - 10/18/13 03:31 AM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Yay!!!!!!! Blessings to all the little boys out there who are riding on the shoulders of you men, courageously doing the work of recovery!!!

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#454575 - 11/20/13 07:27 PM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 154
Loc: Virginia
Risingagain,

Wow. Just found this. Your poem is absolutely beautiful.

"Opening up what was closed and barricaded
Feeling the pain
And learning
To flow again."

My God, when I look back on everything I missed.... How can pain that was forgotten so long ago come back and suddenly be damn near unbearable?

Thank you for posting this.

Bob
_________________________
Don't let "three steps forward and two steps back" bother you. Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#454680 - 11/21/13 08:38 PM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3323
Loc: O Kanada
"All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again."
http://www.bartleby.com/108/21/1.html#S1

your poem absolutely beautiful.
and i love the way it ended on a positive note.

many words you wrote spoke to me.
and i dig the way you traced it all the way back to the source, including parental war trauma,
which is a hidden factor most often omitted or overlooked.

one line from this poem hit me like a bullet between the eyes...
"I weighed 100 lbs at 17"

maximum impact!

i did not even start puberty until i was 16 years old.
i actually weighed exactly 97 pounds,
just like the "weakling" in the Charles Atlas advertisement.
as if i didn't have enough baggage and damage already.

that was another huge challenge to my self esteem and masculinity issues.


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456075 - 12/04/13 08:51 PM Re: Childhood is a River [Re: risingagain]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 412
Loc: Canada
I've read this several times

and I meant and mean what I said.

Exquisite!

One line in particular is always what touches me.

Compassion and understanding.

" No one to teach you what love is. "

There can be no excuses ... but there are always reasons.

I admire you for acknowledging that.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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