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#450029 - 10/13/13 08:12 AM Did something remotely good with my CSA knowledge
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I have only recent began to grasp my innocence with my CSA. I am no longer an accomplice in the crimes committed against me.

That said, I have only shared with very very few people.

I shared my CSA with a close AA friend. She has shared with me of her 4 year old daughter being abused by a neighbor boy teen.

She said her daughter missed him and cried that he went left her life. It was so clear to me. I felt like that too. I shared with her that I felt that same confused sense of pain when My perp left. I cried just like her daughter cried.

This shit got very real. But it was not real in a bad memory way. It was a very new and strange feeling of being able to help, that my sick and twisted life experiences were somehow helpful. The girls mother, my AA friend, has helped me and was the second person I ever shared with. Being able to encourage her in some small way felt good.

There is way to much of this CSA going on. I just never saw it. It feels like there needs to be more focus on it. More public worry about CSA than what kind of carrots are in free lunches. Let Michelle O focus on that instead of organic apples in the cafeterias. Focus on the kids not being raped by predators and people paid to teach and care for them.

So I feel I was a tiny bit helpful. But I also feel there is so much apathy. I feel I see things a little more clearly, and it pisses me off. I read your stories of being taped while being raped. It makes me believe in the death penalty for those perps.

A strange mix of new emotions today. But one thing for sure, I don't feel like a victim right now. I feel something more like anger.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#450087 - 10/13/13 06:31 PM Re: Did something remotely good with my CSA knowledge [Re: On The Fringe]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 257
Loc: us
Hey Fringe.
Good post. I agree it feels really good when you can offer some sort of perspective and support to others who are struggling with csa. So many of my friends over the years have come to me with their abuse story after realizing that I was abused as a kid and got help. being able to encourage other survivors and reassure their familys has been really rewarding for me.
I remember after I started therapy and it was so painful there was a point I wanted to quit. But then I thought about my little sister who was abused as well and realized that I wanted to show her that healing was possible. I wanted to get myself to a good place so that if she ever needed me I could be there for her and encourage her in a positive direction.
Its kind of funny. You would think after all I've been through and all H has seen me support others through that he would feel safe talking to me. He and I have been through a lot a similar things. I guess for men the thought of being so raw in front of the woman you love can be scary. I'm glad you were able to connect and help a friend it sounds like progress to me!
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#450095 - 10/13/13 08:09 PM Re: Did something remotely good with my CSA knowledge [Re: HD001]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: HD001
Hey Fringe.
Good post. I agree it feels really good when you can offer some sort of perspective and support to others who are struggling with csa. So many of my friends over the years have come to me with their abuse story after realizing that I was abused as a kid and got help. being able to encourage other survivors and reassure their familys has been really rewarding for me.
I remember after I started therapy and it was so painful there was a point I wanted to quit. But then I thought about my little sister who was abused as well and realized that I wanted to show her that healing was possible. I wanted to get myself to a good place so that if she ever needed me I could be there for her and encourage her in a positive direction.
Its kind of funny. You would think after all I've been through and all H has seen me support others through that he would feel safe talking to me. He and I have been through a lot a similar things. I guess for men the thought of being so raw in front of the woman you love can be scary. I'm glad you were able to connect and help a friend it sounds like progress to me!


I have not told my wife. She knows lots of bad things happened.

I just can't bring myself to telling my wife I was servicing some 15 year old when I was 8.

I don't think I need to. She can know that CSA happened but I don't want her knowing details. Ever wondering if she is doing something he did to me.

Can of worms.

As long as I can heal and be a good husband and happy person, I think that is what works for me.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#450215 - 10/15/13 10:46 AM Re: Did something remotely good with my CSA knowledge [Re: On The Fringe]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 338
Quote:
I don't feel like a victim right now.


Good! That sounds like progress to me.

Your abuse situation is almost exact to my H's in age and perp's age.

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#450304 - 10/16/13 12:00 AM Re: Did something remotely good with my CSA knowledge [Re: On The Fringe]
Airmid Offline


Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
Mine too.

Fringe, when you talked with your AA pal, you saw the true meaning of "I Am Responsible: when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to be there." it's not just about helping other drunks. I'm glad you got that awesome gratitude!

If you choose to disclose more as you go along, you can do it on your terms, with as few details as you are okay with.

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