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#449770 - 10/10/13 01:26 PM PTSD??
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 360
How many of you spouses like me have PTSD because of what we have been through?? Or is it just the wives of sex addicts?

I don't know the wife of a sex addict who hasn't been diagnosed with PTSD.

And if you are the sex addict, do you feel bad about the fact that your actions have caused your loved one to have PTSD? Yor actions which were probably caused by PTSD too. It is a vicious cycle.

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#449772 - 10/10/13 02:22 PM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I suppose it could be possible if your spouse was abusive in some ways, and infidelity is certainly traumatic to a marriage. My wife is a survivor and I personally never developed PTSD until after I was raped, and that has todo with reliving my own trauma. Often she would have flashbacks and everyday stuff sometimes freaks her out. It's difficult and troubling to go through as someone who cares about her, especially since she can't go to counseling for it, but I can't say it was personally traumatizing to me.

Generally trauma = an experience that involves some kind of threat to your safety, whether that's combat, natural disaster, rape, child abuse, etc. In order to have PTSD, the person re-lives the experience in the form of flashbacks, night terrors, body memories.... it involves "increased arousal" i.e. hypervigilance, preoccupation with self defense, insomnia, it has to go on for over a month, involve avoiding situations that trigger traumatic memories and flashbacks, etc.

I'm not saying that being in a relationship with a survivor is a walk in the park. My wife's CSA issues have put the marriage through stress and I'm sure that finding out about my sexual assault was really hard for her too, especially since I didn't tell her right away and I was emotionally numb and apathetic about her needs during that time (which she understands now). But I think, at least for us, there is a difference the challenges and difficulties of supporting another survivor of sexual abuse, it was not traumatizing in and of itself.
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#449773 - 10/10/13 02:43 PM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
Valkyrie Offline


Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 167
My therapist treated me for PTSD. After my husband finally disclosed his CSA to his family and was in general crisis mode, I discovered his emotional affair with another woman. On top of that, he disclosed his numerous instances of physical infidelity over the years - and there were many. His therapist says he is sexually compulsive but not an addict. Really, the label doesn't matter, compulsive or addict, it devastated me all the same.

I was stuck. Reliving the discovery of it all. Withdrew from life because everything set me off. Couldn't move forward. First therapist was a band aid and said I needed another therapist specializing in my problem. I got another, was diagnosed with PTSD, changed my therapy model, and finally got better.

My husband felt bad. Still does. I have my moments. I deal with them better know. Recognize the triggers. I know how to not let myself dwell on them or set myself spinning. It takes time to work through it.

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#449779 - 10/10/13 03:43 PM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 360
Maybe it is just the wives of the sex addcits that get ptsd. I don't know what living with a survivor who is n't an addict as well is like. Just curious, I guess.

Crux, to quote you.....Generally trauma = an experience that involves some kind of threat to your safety, whether that's combat, natural disaster, rape, child abuse, etc. In order to have PTSD, the person re-lives the experience in the form of flashbacks, night terrors, body memories.... it involves "increased arousal" i.e. hypervigilance, preoccupation with self defense, insomnia, it has to go on for over a month, involve avoiding situations that trigger traumatic memories and flashbacks, etc.

I have all of those 3yrs after discovery of his addictions. I am in therapy all those years and still get triggered. It was and still is very traumatic to find this out.

My husband feels bad, yes, but my safety and security and pain isn't enough to keep him sober. that is extremely painful.

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#449780 - 10/10/13 03:44 PM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 360
I am seriously considering emdr on thop of therapy. Anyone have any experiences with emdr, good or bad?

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#450039 - 10/13/13 09:41 AM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
L84 Offline


Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 22
Loc: USA
Lucy,

EMDR has been very good for me.. it has helped me relax enough to recall enough of the trauma details & associated emotions which were all totally repressed for all those years. PTSD and a few very scary symptoms motivated me to get help. Went as far as I could in counseling but somehow didn't resolve the inner turmoil.

I knew there was more to uncover but my mind and body were fighting against me to keep protecting me like they did when I was a kid but "the time came" when it was time to "go there".

It seems like we do have a built in protection though.. thankfully that we wont remember & reprocess_ too much to fast. It is like relieving the whole thing in a smaller measure.. very painful and scary.. BUT The good news is it helps you move past the horrible feelings and memories.

One thing that helped was the approach (in my case) of dealing with horrible things in my family of origin (which was not where sexual abuse occurred) but how had amassed together with sexual trauma as a force that was kicking my but! The PTSD and some other symptoms got me to the place of "whatever it takes!" One thing that really helped besides counselos & EMDR was having a safe person to share all this stuff with so I could sort it out (without judgement of what I should feel or do). A safe massage therapist helped as well.. Safe touch that was not sexual..

Hope this helps in someway. Feel free to PM if you have some questions or would like some more details. You have been a big help to me and others (and a gem for your husband). You are a diamond. Take good care of yourself.

L

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#450040 - 10/13/13 09:49 AM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
L84 Offline


Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 22
Loc: USA
A P.s.. on post above. The F.O.O. (family of origin) issues.. I realize now.. set me up to be so very vulnerable to a preadator. To survive at home I had to turn off my discernment to just get by.. so it was turned off when the predators came.

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#450085 - 10/13/13 06:14 PM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 261
Loc: us
I was first diagnosed with rape related PTSD at 17. After a lot of therapy and hard work I learned how to manage it without meds. For a few years I enjoyed feeling pretty emotionally "normal" for the most part.
My H isn't a sex addict but is a binge drinker. He has two DUIs. I have picked him up when he has gotten beat up and once he cracked his head open while drunk and is lucky he didn't die.
I started having panic attacks again last year. My ptsd is triggered by his drinking. I've told him this and he won't say much about it but I'm sure he feels bad about it. His binge episodes are a lot less frequent then they used to be and he is finally willing to talk about what triggered them most of the time.
Once I started having panic attacks I really got tuff about his drinking. It has caused lots of fighting but I don't care. I would rather have him stay home and sleep on the couch because he is throwing a fit then go out and drink all night.
Whenever we are somewhere and he has a drink I always start to get anxious and worry that he won't stop and will want to go to the bar. I HATE fighting about drinking with him but if I'm going to stay married I have to stick to my guns. PTSD is diffucult no matter what the cause. Panic attacks a scary the first one I had I really thought I was dying.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#450218 - 10/15/13 10:55 AM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 341
I would probably come up with PTSD if I took an assessment.

The panic attacks and such were from before I met H though so it's not from him. My childhood didn't include CSA but it was no ride in the park.

I understand the anxiety over drinking though. I can say for certain I'd have one if he smelled like beer.

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#450307 - 10/16/13 12:10 AM Re: PTSD?? [Re: lucylives]
Airmid Offline


Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
My PTSD was present before I got married, too, and his acting out (rages, dissociation, physically leaving to work long stretches) triggered me. Most of my triggers are emotional. To my knowledge, there haven't been any affairs, but definitely have been inappropriate behavior on his part (and mine too. Revenge doesn't work, by the way.)

Learning grounding skills has helped. I'll see if I can dig up the thread the guys had going for a long time; it helped me more than female-survivor-specific sites ever did. Also, daily meditation really helps me. Sitting still and not having busy brain sets me up for a more successful day than 'get up and go'.

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