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#448148 - 09/24/13 11:38 PM Hello, I just found out about my husband
overwhelmed1975 Offline


Registered: 09/23/13
Posts: 25
Hi, my name is Sandra. I found this website and forum trying to find as much info. as possible to understand what happened to my husband. He disclosed the CAS during therapy as a result of cheating and alcoholism. I posted in "friends and "family" yesterday. I am happy I found this forum.

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#448159 - 09/25/13 03:28 AM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hello Sandra, welcome to Male Survivor.
Unfortunately abuse ruins many lives and families years after has happend.
It can be very difficult to maintain focus and inner peace while partner is struggling and fighting own demons.
I hope you'll find useful resources here, it is good to connect to others and to share experiences.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#448360 - 09/26/13 10:33 PM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3327
Loc: O Kanada
welcome, Sandra.
i am so sorry to hear about your husband.
the guys here understand.
hope you find something helpful and healing.
you are a survivor, too.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#448363 - 09/26/13 10:42 PM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1626
I am sorry you have to be here--but glad you found your way. Despite all you see value in your husband and you are seeking help for yourself.

The journey may be difficult but hopefully your husband is seeking help. CSA leaves so many scars, buried parts within and how one copes is different for each survivor. Be there, with a smile, a shoulder to cry on but take care of yourself-you must remain healthy.

We are here for you and your husband.

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#448395 - 09/27/13 06:13 AM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome

good job for you for seeking out information and support- I hope you know that you and your husband are NOT alone in facing what you're dealing with and that recovery and healing is entirely possible.

Addiction,, sexual and and relationship problems are common for survivors of sexual abuse. Getting sober and honestly facing my struggles and owning my behavior were the start of recovery for me.

I'm blessed to still be married and have a chance to fully claim my life and family and enjoy living. I'm connected to great sources of support and recovery and healing.

Welcome to this part of your life - it is worth the effort.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#448510 - 09/28/13 01:01 AM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
overwhelmed1975 Offline


Registered: 09/23/13
Posts: 25
Thank you all for responding. I have been serious discussion with Esposa,she has helped me see some common threads. Yesterday he shared with me with some sports network broadcast about a father who killed his sons abuser. I just broke down and could not explain why. Today in therapy he verbalized how he feels that I am putting in 100% into the relationship and he is not. It was nice to hear him acknowledge that. I just feel like I'm drowning, but yet I have to pretend like everything is ok. i know it's selfish, but I wish I had never found out. I wish I could keep thinking he was just an asshole,just because. I feel so alone. I have to put a strong face for my kids. I wish I could just run away, I know I can't. I would not someone to ditch me at my weakest point. i want a husband and a father for my children. But I feel so sad and angry for what he has done to us. He can't even have a conversation with our children.


Edited by overwhelmed1975 (12/12/13 12:41 PM)

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#448574 - 09/28/13 09:09 AM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
You are doing great to hang in there and work on the recovery.

He is facing the devil. You are right there. In reading your posts, I get the feeling you are a person of integrity. You are sticking with what you know is right when it is very difficult. I admire you for it.

I have a good relationship with my wife. She knows I am damaged but not specifics. I think her love played a huge part in getting sane.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#448588 - 09/28/13 01:38 PM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: overwhelmed1975]
overwhelmed1975 Offline


Registered: 09/23/13
Posts: 25
Thank you for your kind words.

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#448610 - 09/28/13 05:03 PM Re: Hello, I just found out about my husband [Re: On The Fringe]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3327
Loc: O Kanada
i have been blessed.
my wife has been with me for almost 3 decades now.
she has helped me heal just by loving me and not leaving me.
the most important thing she did for me was to never compromise on her morals.

i am a good person who has done bad things.
it has been said that abnormal behavior is a normal response to abnormal stimuli.
this explains, but does not excuse, my choices.
the abnormal stimuli is only coming from my own memory.
it takes enormous effort on my part to keep my fragile ego from collapsing when she gets angry at me, which is something i should be able to absorb as a good husband.
i am reacting to abuse that hasn't existed since i was child.
this knowledge has really helped me to measure the appropriateness of my actions.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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