sorry to hear this.
i never had friends- i struggled to get some boys to like me.
My personality kept changing year after year.
A teacher i had in grade 5 , i had her again in grade 8.
I told her during recess while i was in grade 7 " that i changed
alot!" ,,,like i was a clown; like it was a good thing.
Sometime in my grade 8 year i had someone escort me to an office
in my elementary school. When the door opened and i saw
(what was a social worker) - i sat down and i was wailing
" please dont tell anyone, please". I got up and left.
They did nothing. (
) I started smoking/drinking at
When i entered high school ,, i no longer was popular.
I never had friends. If you ask a few of the people who I
DID hang-out with might say different. But i needed help!
And i needed it fast!
It took me six years to graduate high-school even now ...i tell
friends "how i graduated , i dont know, they probably felt
sorry for me".
- five years later moved to the nearest large city.
I abused alot of people here.
Then i joined a group, and met my therapist who was also a member. He told me if i wouldnt take this therapy seriously, that
he couldnt pursue therapy with me.
By taking his words seriously; i learned (AND WITHOUT UNDERMINING
ALL THE SUPPORT OF MALESURVIVOR) that there was problems with
my thinking. I had psychosis and i had better look after myself
or i could end up in places i dont want to go.
It was very scary, but i took a dive into taking responsiblity
of my feelings and that i much needed and craved REALITY!
I met a lady friend of mine back in 2002- same time i started
therapy. My relationship to her has had it's ups and downs.
We are very close now. And i met a male friend of mine 4
years ago. I love him. He is adorable. But i have to be
watched by myself to not hurt him in any way. - psychologically
meaning. ( in my feelings and working out who i am , i have
to be aware that ( and from what my buddy has shared w/ me over
the span of 4 years) he needs to do /feel whatever he needs to
feel SAFE! If he doesnt want friends who push him into therapy
or "hey you can do this or that"... i had to learn to shut-up!
And keep it into my head and share it either w/ my therapist
or some other professional. I have to start being ONLY a friend
and not a therapist. This was a BBBBIG, problem i had.
Goran knows everything. Goran can go fuck himself!!!
I met another guy at a group meeting a couple months back ,,,
we get along really well.
And an old friend of mine,,that i treated like crap 12 years
ago. I was lucky to get him again in my life.
And with him i have to be extra -careful b/c he went thru allll
ottttt of shit! It is so sad, but i am not his dad and he
isnt mine. I have to step back sometimes and just listen,
support and let my friends figure themselves out!
But i do deserve a girlfriend. And i hope that philosophy
" nice guys finish last"
i want to be the best guy i could be for EVVVVERYYYONE!
But for 11 years in therapy,, i would do anything for what
my therapist taught me...and for what the International Primal
Association and Malesurvivor has done for me!
I havent had a beer in 2 1/2 years and love it!
I love people. Friends ARE AWESOME! It is sad , when you
have to ask someone to be your (MINE) friend.