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#442529 - 07/29/13 02:14 PM Is your child trying to tell you something?
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
Is Your Child Trying to Tell You Something?

by Feather Berkower

July 26, 2013

http://www.drgreene.com/perspectives/is-your-child-trying-to-tell-you-something/


Posted by Puffer


Edited by pufferfish (07/29/13 02:48 PM)

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#442798 - 07/31/13 06:27 PM Re: Is your child trying to tell you something? [Re: pufferfish]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Article Extract: "You can see where Iím going with this. By steady and open inquiry, the mother would have learned that the new Scout leader was sexually abusing her son."

You know, in reality it is so hard to tell if a child is trying to tell you something, and hard to get a response, it isn't as easy as that article makes out.

I've had suspicions from things some kids have talked about in the past, as a survivor myself I don't know if it is easier or harder for me to tell if something is wrong, there is always a risk of seeing things that aren't there (some survivors may be hyper-sensitive to the matter, although I guess at the same time more familiar with the signs).

In reality (in general) I don't think kids would be as open in their responses as that article makes out. Do you think you would have been that open under questioning? I know I wouldn't have said anything. I know lots of survivors who would have done anything to stop people from finding out (for various reasons).

I do appreciate that the article is encouraging people to inquire and probe, but i'm just pointing out that the article is quite naÔve and parents who couldn't tell shouldn't feel like failures or that it was their fault- it isn't easy. I know lots of people here ask the questions "how couldn't anybody possible see what was happening to me because of a, b ,c", and partly it was a lack of knowledge and probing yes, there are "signs", but even knowing the signs, it isn't easy.
_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#442811 - 07/31/13 08:10 PM Re: Is your child trying to tell you something? [Re: pufferfish]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Interesting article, and some really good points. I agree about it not being easy to tell, even if the adults do inquire. As Ken's posted, having a good relationship with those adults is paramount - I for one would never, ever open up to someone I don't trust. Only thing I have to add is that I think a lot of times when the abuse happens, you're so young that you don't even have the language to verbalize/conceptualize what's being done to you. You're asked, so what happened? But then if you don't have the vocabulary to describe it, well...how do you tell?
_________________________
Husky

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#442867 - 08/01/13 07:19 AM Re: Is your child trying to tell you something? [Re: pufferfish]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
If you ask a child and he says no but that doesn't calm your suspicions, the important thing is to reassure him that he can change his answer at any time and you won't be mad at him for not saying something sooner. Kids will persist in a lie if they think admitting they lied will get them in trouble.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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