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#442330 - 07/27/13 09:08 AM Re: Looks Like I Have A New Friend... (Oh Shit) [Re: BraveFalcon]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Ken.

I can understand your wary of being even friends with a woman after that experience, to but to be honest that isn't universal, and if someone is! your friend she should dam well understand that no means no.
Part of the reason my russian friend and I have become so close is that we know where we are, ehck, she's the only girl I can accept a hug from without being triggered because I'm dam sure that if she felt anything differently I'd know about it, heck she's the only girl I know who totally bucked gender sterriotypes and actually asked! the man who's now her husband (who I also get on extremely well with), rather than waiting for him to ask her.

While she is likely my closest female friend, she'd certainly not the only one.

That's of course my experience and not yours, but I do wonder if your missing out on something here Ken, and no, I'm not talking about rleationships at all, I pretty much agree with you on that score, forget relationships and forget s/xuallity too, the sooner I get old enough to lose my libido the better.

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#442337 - 07/27/13 10:29 AM Re: Looks Like I Have A New Friend... (Oh Shit) [Re: dark empathy]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Hi DE. I used to have several close female friends and now I have none. I only have a couple on Facebook that I was once very close with but that live in a different state. When I have been friends with females I have always related to them a lot differently than I do my male friends. I am normally very child-like and playful towards them. Sometimes even very affectionate with a lot of hugs and whatnot, as long as it feels safe. Again, friendships with females who are taken or are lesbians feels safe to me. Friendships with females who are single does not feel safe to me. Not anymore anyway.

Originally Posted By: dark empathy
the sooner I get old enough to lose my libido the better.


Ditto. I tell myself that all the time. Sometimes for reasons that I've discussed here and at others for some probably even more fucked-up reasons. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#442389 - 07/27/13 09:25 PM ! [Re: BraveFalcon]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:07 PM)

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#442409 - 07/28/13 07:18 AM Re: Looks Like I Have A New Friend... (Oh Shit) [Re: BraveFalcon]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
@Ken, fair enough, I admit we might be at totally oposite ends of the spectrum here. For me, for perhaps %90 of the time, there is absolutely no difference in relating to a friend if they are male or female. that final ten percent is all to do with touch and physical closeness, and anything to do with s/x including s/xual humour, though in fairness I'm not particularly keen on those things from guys either. I suppose this has lead me to behave in a very particular way toards girls and have beliefs that tend to colour my reactions, which is generally why when I hear someone say "I don't want to be friends with someone of the opposite gender" I tend to feel the person is just missing out as 80's boy said.

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#442460 - 07/28/13 09:58 PM Re: Looks Like I Have A New Friend... (Oh Shit) [Re: BraveFalcon]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 374
Loc: NY
Hey, Ken.

Friendships give us a sense of self-worth. Throughout my difficult years, that is what I craved the most. By being a good person and usually a good friend, it came with the territory and helped me survive.

There have been women (and men) friends who needed something more, and some who didn't. There were moments of arousal when I wish my boundaries had been clearer, but friendships are also a two-way street, a reciprocal dynamic that needs conscious attention.

As with anything, hope you stay with the all that is positive and embrace it for what it is, a reflection of the goodness in you.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#442470 - 07/28/13 11:02 PM Re: Looks Like I Have A New Friend... (Oh Shit) [Re: bodyguard8367]
standingstrong Offline


Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 19
Loc: East Coast.. home of the best ...
[quote=bodyguard8367]Fear.....F E A R....

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

I have never heard this statement before about "FEAR", but wow did it just tag me when it comes to personal relationship! Bodyguard, thanks for posting this. My T has said many times that I have to stop the basic thinking process that I have used to protect myself for so many years. This statement right here I think will help greatly. Even a simple hello to someone at the gym, has me thinking the worse.

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