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#442024 - 07/24/13 12:27 PM Richard Gartner video podcast
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Last February I spoke at the Vera Institute for Justice a nonprofit center for justice policy and practice, with offices in New York City, Washington, DC, New Orleans, and Los Angeles. My talk was entitled "Betrayed as Boys: Understanding the Aftereffects of Boyhood Sexual Abuse."

I was interviewed for a half hour, then gave a lecture that was broadcast to all the Vera offices as an Inservice program. Both were videotaped. The interview has been skillfully condensed and is now available online. I think it gives an excellent concise summary of what I have to say about male sexual victimization, and is a short introduction to the topic. This is the link:

http://www.vera.org/videos/richard-gartner-betrayed-as-boys
_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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#442035 - 07/24/13 03:56 PM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
Dr. Gartner,

Beyond Betrayal was the first book I read after breaking 25 years of silence and it had an amazing impact on me. I don't have the words to explain how grateful I am for your book and your work.

Thank You.
Matt
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#442115 - 07/25/13 11:06 AM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 598
Loc: VA
I agree--"Beyond Betrayal" is an excellent book.

John

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#442215 - 07/26/13 06:55 AM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Thank you, Matt and John. Hearing from men like you heartens me and makes the considerable work involved in getting my books out there totally worthwhile.

Best of luck to you
_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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#442220 - 07/26/13 08:44 AM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
Dr. Gartner

Thank you for all you do for survivors of sexual abuse. You have been a pioneer in the field. I grapple with family issues as a result of CSA. I suffer dissociation and fugues--been diagnosed and hospitalized and the longest I was gone for three days. During these times I have supposedly been acting out, but I have no memories and the family dismiss the dissociation, fugues along with the flashbacks and nightmares. They can be very aggressive in these attacks on CSA and its effects. They have not asked how I am healing or any aspect of the CSA--other than roll their eyes and ignore me. Any readings or thoughts on how to open their minds to understand CSA and how it effects the survivor. I have been working hard on healing--psychiatrist, therapist weekly, two support groups, and the support of wonderful friends. I have visited the place of the abuse to bury my Mom, told the parish priest what happened as well as the Diocese. They were more compassionate and understanding than my family. But I would like my family back but until they can accept the CSA and all that comes with it--they will remain at a distance.

Thank you and any ideas would be helpful to bridge this gap.

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#465793 - 05/25/14 11:30 PM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: KMCINVA]
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Dear KMCINVA,

I am so sorry that I did not read your post till now. I would certainly have answered it in a more timely way if I had seen it earlier.

I is tough to try to open a mind that has closed. On the one hand, you can give the family members who roll their eyes books like my Beyond Betrayal, but it may be that they will be closed to understanding it in a way that is helpful to your relationship. So, on the other hand, you need to branch out and find trustworthy, understanding people who will listen to you, whether they are from here on MS, in support groups, in a therapy office, or are just understanding friends you encounter as you go through life. Families of choice can sometimes heal when families of origin turn away.

Best of luck

Richard Gartner, PhD
_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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#465799 - 05/26/14 07:11 AM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
Dear Richard,

I figured you were busy with so many projects you do for survivors of CSA. I appreciate the response and I had forgotten I wrote to you last year.

Your advice has been spoken by many to me. It is common sense and those with open minds see it is right to help and support those in need. Those whose minds are closed are closed to the world, to themselves and to me. They see little benefit in supporting others but expect others to understand and support them.

I have been blessed. I have surrounded myself with people who have been there for me and have allowed me to heal. Their warmth, understanding and support outweighed the negative and disturbing actions and words that were inflicted for so long. I can only hope one day those with minds so closed, open their minds and hearts and realize their actions are unhealthy for not only me, but for themselves.

I have progressed on my journey to heal. I have faced the place of the abuse, the church and diocese of the abuse, I have not been hospitalized in over a year, I have learned new ways to cope and the past seems to no longer control me. The memories will always be with me, but they no longer are debilitating. I no longer put myself with people who trigger the past, because I know their words and actions still impact me but when confronted I step away and turn my thoughts to the present and those that have been there to help me heal.

Support is so important to those who need to heal. Your last line "families of choice can sometimes heal when families of origin turn away". I have lived this and know the truth in these words.

Thank you.

Kevin

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#465806 - 05/26/14 08:45 AM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: KMCINVA]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Dr. Gartner,

As one of the many whom haved purchased your book Beyond BetrayalŽit was one of the few that mentioned that it is possible for the abused boy to fall in love with his abuser, which i had done emotionally & mentally bonding with him. I was eight years old then and we were together off and on for six years.

However he was still in my heart & soul for most of my adult life. I have since learned how to put him in the proper place in my life that was acceptable to me emotionally & mentally.

You donŽt know just how much that phrase had meant to me, as i thought i was the only one whom had ever fallen in genuine love with his abuser.

Thanks for all of your work on behalf of abused & Betrayed Boys.

I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity. As he is me.

Sincerely,
Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#465825 - 05/26/14 09:15 PM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
Richard

I forgot to mention I did receive the PM and thank you.

Kevin

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#466317 - 06/06/14 11:10 PM Re: Richard Gartner video podcast [Re: Richard Gartner, PhD]
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Thanks to both Pete and Kevin. I am glad my book was so helpful to you, Pete. You are certainly not alone in the struggle about loving someone who betrayed you.
_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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