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#442096 - 07/25/13 04:11 AM Re: Something my T said [Re: mattheal]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 587
Originally Posted By: mattheal

But he said he thinks I feel this way because the abuse was "exciting" and became my "thing",


I'm glad you are able to work through this and take the good and leave the bad. If anyone said this to me, I would punch them first and ask questions later. I'm not joking either, I seriously think I would hit someone who said this to me. But we are different people and have had different experiences, so I'm not recommending that as a general course of action (of course).


Edited by Jacob S (07/25/13 04:13 AM)
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#442139 - 07/25/13 01:37 PM Re: Something my T said [Re: mattheal]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 268
Loc: PA
Matt,

Getting past the truth that I liked the feel of the sex and that i encouraged the encounters because it made me feel that I was not as worthless as I thought I was was the hardest part of my recovery. I still look back on that part with disgust sometimes, but know intellectually he held all the cards. I had know chance.

Good luck.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#442183 - 07/25/13 10:28 PM Re: Something my T said [Re: mattheal]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
"...And I still believe that I am responsible - even though in my head I know it's not true..."

Acknowledging that it's not true is a tremendous step in moving the thought from your head into your heart. And I heard the same remark. It simply isn't true for me, nor for you, nor for any of us.

"because the abuse was "exciting" and became my "thing", going so far as comparing it to a kid who live and sleeps sport where baseball may be his "thing". I don't like that and spoke up because I did have other things..."

On this, I will speak from my experiences with the abuse. I don't remember one instance in which the abuse was "exciting" or my "thing". As far as the abuse- or the sex, which is the abuse- is concerned, it wasn't exciting. It wasn't my "thing". I wasn't even allowed to get-off. For FOUR years as a teen, I never once got off while I was tending to the sex for mr. perp. Not once. I enjoyed the attention, I suppose. But I was nothing more than an unpaid, ungratified, underaged whore for a grown man whose "thing" was to get off. My T mentioned something a few weeks ago about how children also enjoy the sex of abuse- at least according to some scholars. But I think we are perverting the abuse even more so, when we assume that there is an enjoyment for a kid based on the sex. And I know that is an area of contention. ... And this is only based on my own experiences and thoughts.

..."His response sounded like he was pissed -....
Does any of this sound odd to you?..."

I wouldn't give much thought to his sounding upset. If it persists, you will know he has some issues he needs to work on. And that its time to find someone grounded enough to help you with what you need. And just so you know, I challenge my T at least once during every session. This past week, after three rapids "...and what do you think of that..."..... I just stopped talking, looked at him, and said, "you need to stop that now." He turned red, apologized, and became "clinically" human to me again. I say, keep him on his toes and help him rise to your expectations in the sessions. (... I would love a tree hugger therapist!)

As far as sounding "odd". Actually, Matt, its not all that different from the lady T I was with for about 6 months. When she arrived at #3 of the unforgettable remarks she made, I left. I can only say again, I wish I had left after the #1 remark.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#442229 - 07/26/13 11:07 AM Re: Something my T said [Re: Rich1967]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 587
Originally Posted By: Rich1967
Matt,

Getting past the truth that I liked the feel of the sex and that i encouraged the encounters because it made me feel that I was not as worthless as I thought I was was the hardest part of my recovery. I still look back on that part with disgust sometimes, but know intellectually he held all the cards. I had know chance.

Good luck.


Its tough for me to say but that rings true with me. I didn't ever encourage the encounters but later in my teens I did often wonder if guys saw me in that way and would sometimes wish they'd make a move. But I guess to me someone saying something became your "thing" usually means an expression of who you are and your natural talents. as a worthwhile human. This wasn't that for any of us no matter how we felt at the time.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#442233 - 07/26/13 11:49 AM Re: Something my T said [Re: Jacob S]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1275
Originally Posted By: Jacob S
Its tough for me to say but that rings true with me. I didn't ever encourage the encounters but later in my teens I did often wonder if guys saw me in that way and would sometimes wish they'd make a move.

So true with me as well. My first year at college, I was walking across campus with my roommate and he started laughing for no apparent reason. I asked him what was so funny and he said, "That dude that just walked by us - he was checking out your butt!"

There are moments in our lives - simple little snippets of time - that just become freeze frame memories. Stupid little moments we don't realize at the time they happen, but that I suppose stay with us to the grave. I think my whole life took a pivot at that moment - a kind of resignation, like there was just no escape. My abuser was back home - but he was everywhere - they were all over the place. At that point, I just decided to surrender to it all. So I guess I didn't have to wonder if other guys saw me that way. I couldn't interpret a simple admiring glance as anything more than a prelude to the same games my abuser played. Isn't that sad? And he trained me so well - I would "wish they'd make a move" because that is what I learned to expect, and that is what I learned to accommodate.

Originally Posted By: Jacob
But I guess to me someone saying something became your "thing" usually means an expression of who you are and your natural talents. as a worthwhile human. This wasn't that for any of us no matter how we felt at the time.

I could not have put it better.
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#442236 - 07/26/13 12:23 PM Re: Something my T said [Re: mattheal]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 268
Loc: PA
I agree with Jacob and Erik as well. I always assume the best in others when I can so I hope Matt's T meant the best for him.

Matt - if you find out he didn't or you can't relate to him - get a knew T.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#442239 - 07/26/13 01:08 PM Re: Something my T said [Re: mattheal]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:23 PM)

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