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#441106 - 07/16/13 10:24 PM Question on the Power Differential
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Some definitions of abuse contain a necessary "power differential" between the perp and victim.

Doesn't GREATER SEXUAL AWARENESS

constitute SUFFICIENT POWER DIFFERENTIAL to qualify a perpetrator?

IF so, how might this new definition benefit the millions of people who are suffering from the effects of early childhood sexualization by friends, other youth, and even media and internet?


Edited by GoldStone (07/16/13 10:35 PM)

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#441495 - 07/20/13 05:15 PM Re: Question on the Power Differential [Re: GoldStone]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 352
Loc: NY


Goldstone:

Your thoughts here have some grounding in my understanding of my early childhood experiences of sexuality. That being said, it's not easy to answer the question simply.

As Traveler mentioned elsewhere, if a dynamic combines intimidation and sexual feelings, it can work like a "power differential". However, trying to understand the relationship only in terms of power may miss an opportunity to accept that sexual feelings were present.

In my case, my brother's ability to intimidate me still eludes me sometimes. When I accept that uncomfortable sexual feelings were simply part of the reality in which we grew up, I relax a little. Focusing only on the power dynamic can make me overwhelmed with anger. While thatís understandable I can also miss the point that sexual feelings have a life of their own.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that because by unconsciously agreeing to taking on my brother's pain when he was molested during our childhood, I implicity denied my own sexuality. To accept that this happened, to resist going into denial, I have to also embrace the fact and reality that the intimidation could always be employed. Is this about power? In some ways yes. Yet iIn order to find our way back to accepting sexual feelings for what they are, in order to understand that we were both sexual beings damaged by his experience, I need to see a bigger picture of loss. For me, looking only at the power dynamic does not allow me to find a way to let go of the pain, once Iíve embraced it. Going through all of the other feelings, with fear and shame being at the top of the list, I feel empowered because I am no longer standing by in numb acceptance.

Hope you find these thoughts of help. Look forward to hearing your response in any case.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#441499 - 07/20/13 05:45 PM Re: Question on the Power Differential [Re: GoldStone]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
dear gold.

you might find my story interesting.
it has everything to do with your question.


warning! TRIGGER! warning!
childhood: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4380#Post434380
childhood: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=439722#Post439722


my definition of abuse is forever changing.
the whole process of recovery is discovery.
examination of hallucination of imagination.
it is a very subjective spiritual thing.

i made an attempt to define it on your other thread. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...1137#Post441137
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441541 - 07/20/13 10:56 PM Re: Question on the Power Differential [Re: GoldStone]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441575 - 07/21/13 04:12 AM Re: Question on the Power Differential [Re: GoldStone]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 605
Loc: one foot out the door
Originally Posted By: GoldStone
Some definitions of abuse contain a necessary "power differential" between the perp and victim.

Doesn't GREATER SEXUAL AWARENESS

constitute SUFFICIENT POWER DIFFERENTIAL to qualify a perpetrator?

IF so, how might this new definition benefit the millions of people who are suffering from the effects of early childhood sexualization by friends, other youth, and even media and internet?


I think you are right on the money. Power differentials also arise from society at large, where the boy is told he is supposed to be a strong aggressor and anything else is shameful. So society itself abuses the child by seeping lies about lack of value into the brain.

From good old wikipedia:

Children who were sexually victimized by other minors, including inter-sibling abuse, show largely the same problems as children victimized by adults, including anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, suicide, eating disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, sleep disorders and difficulty trusting peers in the context of relationships. The victim often has distorted beliefs about what happened to them, sometimes even thinking they were the initiator or that they went through the act voluntarily.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child-on-child_sexual_abuse


Edited by Jacob S (07/21/13 04:22 AM)
_________________________
"These days I just try to keep to myself,
well aware I've lost touch with everyone else.
I understand that I'm fading away."

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