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#451398 - 10/27/13 01:09 AM Re: Oral sex by the age of 5 [Re: ThisMan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Good bump pufferfish! I missed this one from July.

TM, you had me right there with you. What in God's name were these people thinking letting him near you? I have so much more to say and ask surrounding this older post, but I'm honestly too overwhelmed by stories of possible salvation that actually turn into a sacrifice to the Dogs.
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#451403 - 10/27/13 02:47 AM Re: Oral sex by the age of 5 [Re: ThisMan]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 581
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
This all makes me feel so sad and so exhausted. I've been trying to figure myself out since I was 20, I'm now 64. I only began remembering the abuse from my father at age 53 and the abuse from my mother shortly before I turned 64. I haven't been able to be with people successfully for many years and have been a hermit, but am now starting to come out of hiding. I moved through a lot of stuff as a hermit, through a lot of the abuse, through an enormous amount of terror and rage. It has taken all of that to get to where I am now--sad, exhausted, but with some new skills I developed while in hiding. I emailed a therapist a week ago. He is someone I saw once 7 years ago while in a major crisis. I liked him. He emailed me back that he was leaving town for 12 days and would respond to me when he gets back in town. Reading your experiences of therapy and the burn victim scenario make a lot of sense to me. One part of me thinks O Shit! I have never been in therapy for my abuse issues. The 25 years I was in therapy (off and on) were for anything I could try to figure out in an effort to make sense of my life. While I still feel like O Shit, I also feel a small light of understanding and optimism inside. Dealing directly and specifically with a therapist regarding my sexual abuse, physical abuse, and torture is quite possibly the means to a major breakthrough in a lifetime of handicap for me. Thank all of you for your inputs. This is very deep water, and your support makes it much more possible for me.

Don
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#451471 - 10/27/13 07:06 PM Re: Oral sex by the age of 5 [Re: ThisMan]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I remember posting something very much like this. I hated admitting I was a girlfriend to a 15 year old at 7-8. There was plenty of two way things going on and I thought I was becoming a man per the grooming going on.

After agonizing, regretting, feeling guilty, being embarrassed, being mad... I feel like I have just accepted it as a page in closed book. I used to think it was why i Wanted lots of oral from my wife. I really don't know and don't care. There is nothing to be gained in agonizing over it.

45 years later I really just feel like I want to let it go. If it imprinted some desires on me, then it is done. I can't unring the bell.

Yes. I was sexually abused. Yes I was giving oral as a kid of 8 years old. I was also a victim of an older demented person that systematically lied to me and took advantage of my fragmented family life.

Thanks to this site that light came on. It was not my fault. My life is ok. That was bad but it is long gone.

I have not had a dream or anything like that in months. I just feel like I can't be asked any more. I'm done. The horse is dead so I am stopping beating it. In a way I am thinking this is a bit of closure and acceptance. Like maybe it is a good thing and the logical progression.
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#451492 - 10/27/13 10:21 PM Re: Oral sex by the age of 5 [Re: ThisMan]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3362
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
dang... don't know how I missed this one... overwork... undersleep... anyhoo...

Yes, I'm also a member of the oral at age 5 group

Just had to speak towards the dignity part... talking about what happened is NOT a loss of our dignity - what was done to us was done by persons who had no dignity towards us - it is there shame - not ours - a person with dignity would not have done to us what they did

shame... sadly is still something I struggle with - it hurts the adult part of me to think back to the fact that I was good at oral by the age of 6 - the kid part of me is filled with a deep shame over that fact- and it does'nt help that my wife refuses to do oral at all - I think that dramaticaly adds to my shame level (though I will not ever force her to do it to me)

good memories - luckily I have some - even in the midst of the worst of some of the abuse somehow I still managed to go out and actualy play and have a good time - as an adult now I often think back to the strength of that kid - if he could get through all of that then this adult can surely get through jsut about anything this world can throw at me
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#451794 - 10/30/13 12:00 AM Re: Oral sex by the age of 5 [Re: ThisMan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Guys, thanks for the comments and the support and the stories. I had forgotten I had written this back in July. My post on forgiveness relates to this. This has been almost a full four months, and I am still "getting real" with the memories. My God, I just can't believe it. You guys give me strength and I just thank you with all I have.
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