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#438863 - 06/21/13 10:30 PM Guilt
Vedder32 Offline


Registered: 03/09/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Kentucky,U..S.A
Since being apart of male survivor I've came to acknowledge that all of us survivors carry a scence guilt. I know it has plagued me through the years but this year I've came too the realization that I need too let it go and rid myself of any guilt.

This past year has been a rough one for me. A whole lot of transition.The last time I remember going through such an ordeal is when I confessed too being sexual abused.

Some of it has been the work of others, some of it has been change, and a tad bit of it has been choice. I know guilt stalks me everyday and sometimes every moment. Too the point where it's a task too concentrate but this past week really shed light on it.

Last week, I had a very close relation pass away at a very young age (only 27). I did what was required of me by consoling others, attending the viewing,funeral, visiting his mother and father and his extended relations. However, I still felt guilt.

Not in terms of my relationship with him because we had the pleasure of recreating our relationship but in terms of letting the abuse stop me from developing more relationships and feeling guilt.

For example, I keep myself busy with personal projects and have regiment I do too keep my spirits up and my mind busy as I go through this transition of a physical injury and the enviroment. Since there is no deadline on the project I take my time and enjoy the learning experience of creating and expressing my views. I found myself just taking a break from it all and bam !!!! The guilt of the abuse hits me and starts too creep inn and take control.

I go on the down low and everything that I am interested just takes a nose dive and find myslef giving all my energy too pull out of it. My question too the survivors is this. How do you combat you guilt?

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#438879 - 06/22/13 10:36 AM Re: Guilt [Re: Vedder32]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
Vedder,

I'm sorry for you loss.

I am just starting to deal with the guilt, and for me that means figuring out what part of the guilt is mine (like the impact my tendency to isolate has on my wife), and what part I need to stop carrying around for others. I'm confident that my parents and my perp don't feel the guilt I have. But I really hope that they have a hard time sleeping at night if or when their thoughts ever turn to me.


My only advice, for what it's worth, is to try and figure out who the guilt really belongs to next time it starts creeping in. I know it does not belong to you.

Take Care,
Matt


Edited by mattheal (06/22/13 10:37 AM)
Edit Reason: piss poor typing
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#438901 - 06/22/13 06:31 PM ! [Re: Vedder32]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 07:56 PM)

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#438919 - 06/22/13 09:07 PM Re: Guilt [Re: Vedder32]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 425
Loc: OH
Just as the negative effects of our abuse gradually took hold of our lives the process by which they are removed is gradual as well. Remember, most us are pushing back on years or even decades of momentum behind the abuse. Because of this fact you will rarely feel like you are making progress until one day a few years down the road you'll take the time to really think about it and realize the shame, guilt, and fear have subsided even if they have not disappeared altogether.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#438932 - 06/22/13 10:54 PM Re: Guilt [Re: Vedder32]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 226
Loc: California
Vedder,
I hear what you are saying and I identify with it. I have carried guilt around for years like a bag of rocks. I am just now seeing that a lot of those rocks I was carrying were things that were out of my control, and ultimately not mine. So, I have been working to lighten the load on my own back first, I guess. And giving some of it back to others.

I still tend to ignore what to do with my own guilt. It is always there. And I go through the ebbs and flows like you describe. I think you are on the right path with it though. Key to dealing with any of this I have discovered is pushing past fear and writing or talking about it with others. Sometimes that gets things moving. True, that movement may take a while, and it can feel like you are slogging away at it forever with no visible change. But that is how all landslides start, with even a tiny pebble eventually shifting loose. Then, sometimes those landslides can make a huge shift in the big mountains or structures or associations that we formed when we were young.

Todd
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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