Thank you for sharing little big man!
I know what you're talking about, i've done the same (i used a hammer) in the past. I was thinking about posting it, but i'm glad you've done this before me so i can acknowledge it (for myself too).
To me the memories came back after i quit smoking marihuana, but the memory of me abusing myself anally was always there. I couldnt connect with it untill i discovered my abuse.
When it happened it created a lot of shame, just as you are saying. I've noted that a lot of abusive behavior is linked together.
You are very brave to discuss this with your therapist! I'll have to see if i'm capable of discussing this. And i really hope you can find a way to stop this behavior, as you are working on your progress!
Thank you for your courage!
Take good care m8!
Edited by OCN (06/10/13 01:07 PM)
"Realise that what you are cannot be born or die and with the fear gone, all suffering ends." - Nisargadatta Maharaj