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#435532 - 05/22/13 10:45 PM Havent had sex since this memories woke up!
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 117
Loc: california
I haven't hooked up with any woman since 12/05/11 a little bit before that aound September is when I really had a problem something just kept popping and weird feelings on my genitals... and a sudden drop of sexuality irite after I had hooked up with the last girl I was with I kept getting insecure do to the thoughts racing threw my mind of me being molested I keep telling my self iam not the man that she thinks iam!! Keeps running threw my mind! And it stopped me from hooking up with women!!! Know that iam opening up more gets a lil more difficult don't get me wrong iam straight 100 percent its more like the guilt that I carry knowing that if I tell or even think of the abuse I loose intrest on the date its like a curse!!! I used to be very leading good dates euphoric happy blah! And know iam nervous WHY????
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BertG777

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#435534 - 05/22/13 10:47 PM Re: Havent had sex since this memories woke up! [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 117
Loc: california
Plus I started smoking pot almost a year ago could that be it as well??
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BertG777

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#435535 - 05/22/13 10:59 PM Re: Havent had sex since this memories woke up! [Re: forgive777]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
The pot smoking is because your background anxiety levels are off the charts now that your body is aware of the abuse and violation, it is in hyper-alert mode. If a normal person's anxiety level is a zero or 1, a CSA survivor's could be a 4 or 5, and then spiking from there as he encounters stress.

The pot smoking helps to dial back the anxiety level; this is my daily life.

Cant
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#435541 - 05/22/13 11:15 PM Re: Havent had sex since this memories woke up! [Re: forgive777]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1536
Loc: New England
Good post forgive777. Sex is a difficult issue for most of us. I noticed that you have kept the date of your last encounter with a woman (12/5/11). It reminds me of how obsessed I was with sex. I would keep track of the date, time, and place of my last having sex, and go crazy if it was more than 48 hours ago.

Consider trying to focus on dealing with your CSA issues with a therapist. When you begin to make progress on them, your unease with sex may begin to fade. Therapy takes time, effort, a williness to face the pain, and total honesty. But you CAN make progress. Go for it.

Jude
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Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
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#435579 - 05/23/13 04:36 PM Re: Havent had sex since this memories woke up! [Re: forgive777]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:37 PM)

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#435584 - 05/23/13 05:33 PM Re: Havent had sex since this memories woke up! [Re: forgive777]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
CSA seems to permeate almost every aspect of a survivor's sexuality from first meeting all the way up to sex. Obviously, we can work on it and recovery but I know your frustration. It has been awhile for me as well and about 6 or 7 years since I was actually able to have an orgasm with a partner. Even then I recall it being difficult. It sucks man I know dating and sex used to be a lot more simple for me but since recovery began I find them both more complicated. I think this has a lot to do with my desire to recover, to discovery myself/needs/wants, and experiencing true intimacy. In a way I feel like recovery hit the reset button on my psycho-sexual development so I am walking around like a confused teenager save the random boners and odd fascination with Mila Kunis in That 70's Show : P
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"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#435639 - 05/24/13 02:26 AM Re: Havent had sex since this memories woke up! [Re: Publius]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 117
Loc: california
I got no problem finishing! With a woman is just the memories that woke up on me last year that I just lost intrest on sex! All together I decided to not hook up with anymore random girls! So I will see if the rite one comes up kind of mentality! Lol
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