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#435378 - 05/21/13 07:14 PM tough time
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3576
Loc: somewhere in Africa
having a really tough time right now. it's like everything triggers me. not to flashbacks or panic attacks - but just deep, overwhelming sadness and grief. i can't even read the forums like i used to - it just makes me break down and cry.

lots going on. selling everything - moving out - going back to USA - saying goodbyes - about to leave my T behind - also a pastor friend like no other i've ever met. it has been a devastating/healing time - neither is finished. but we have to travel on...

i don;t know how i can do this.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

#435379 - 05/21/13 07:20 PM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046

You're going to be fine. Moving back to the states is the beginning of something new. It's not so bad here, y'know.

Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

#435380 - 05/21/13 07:40 PM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:32 PM)

#435383 - 05/21/13 07:48 PM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3939
Loc: O Kanada
wherever you go. there we are.
i will try to send you some good vibes.
moving sucks. i just went through it.
pray for a new pastor. it works for me.
bon chance et bon voyage.


#435390 - 05/21/13 09:28 PM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 769
Loc: upper south

A great philosopher, poet, author, teacher, just gentlemanly thinker once wrote the following quote...

"...and in the distance, I saw that which had brought me here."

Keep your eyes open, you will see that which is bringing you forward. Care for you, dude. Check in often. We need your wisdom and gentleness. And to know how you and the wife are doing.

ps... that great line is from none other than me...LOL... made you smile, didn't I ?

For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#435404 - 05/21/13 10:44 PM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1158
Loc: The ATL

Hi Lee. Man, it really sucks to hear you're going through this. I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did. It's not fair, just like a lot of the things that have happened to you in life haven't been fair. It isn't your fault, just like a lot of the bad things that have happened to you in your life weren't your fault. Just as you have with those other bad and unfair things that have happened, you will get through this, you will persevere and you will survive. Stay strong man. Peace,


#435435 - 05/22/13 08:13 AM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York

You didn't leave because you thought it would teach you how to dance. You left because you weren't safe there. Because they hurt and betrayed you. And you deserve to be done with being unsafe, hurt, and betrayed. If you stayed it would happen again, worse.

Your students will always remember you. I was a teacher not nearly as long as you but I know it for a fact. You would have had to stop someday anyway - they'd be on their own - sooner or later they have to grow up and take care of themselves. I'm sorry it was "sooner." But you made a difference - they lived safer lives because of you and will remember you.

Painful as it is, this is self-care. You owed it to yourself to leave an unsafe environment. Your wife may be even more torn up than you are as she was the focal point of the witch hunt - treat her heart with extra special care these coming weeks.

And most important of all...

When you come back to America, take the patdown instead of going through the "hands-up" backscatter scanner. It's worth the triggers to not boost your skin cancer risk. One of many brave new things you may have missed out on wink

My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

#435439 - 05/22/13 09:35 AM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
Suwanee Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 797
Loc: Southeast USA

I'm so sorry that you weren't able to turn the page on your terms and on your timetable. Like Matt said, you and your wife have undoubtedly helped many kids by instilling skills and knowledge they need. It isn't cliche to say that teachers really can change individual worlds (and our collective one). Thank you for doing that. Life's transitions are difficult---travel on and discover what lies beyond the horizon. Keep in touch with us on MS. We're in your corner!

Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

#435450 - 05/22/13 10:13 AM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
Happy Birthday Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England


As always, you're not alone. You have brothers the world over man. Lean on us.

Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

#435539 - 05/22/13 11:08 PM Re: tough time [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3576
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Cant, Geoff, V-V, b, Ken, Matt, Will, Jude -

thank you all. your messages kept me going. everything you said helped. it was like a virtual group hug. just knowing you are there is important right now. and as you say - no matter where i am, you're all (thousands!) still with me! i couldn't stand it if that were not true.

the last big hurdles are tonight's graduation and tomorrow morning's ending assembly. at international schools like this, it becomes a small tight community and events like these turn into major sob-fests. i usually say a quick congratulations, and make myself scarce, uncomfortable with all the emotions. this year - having reawakened my emotional capacity - i will actually feel it for the first time and will have to stick it out till everyone has had a chance to say goodbye to me. taking a crate-full of tissues!

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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