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#435213 - 05/20/13 12:28 AM PTSD?
Aries1984 Offline


Registered: 04/08/12
Posts: 29
Loc: Chicago
I don't know whats going on just gonna describe it and maybe someone here can help me understand it. I feel like i am going insane, i dream dreams that feel so real. i feel like im re-experiencing the assault i guess is a way to describe it. Closing my eyes and see things but it is all fragmented, all just pieces of a puzzle i can't put back together. I wake up sweating heavy, scared, and alone. Shaken and startled not knowing whats going on, heart pounding rapidly. When im awake i kinda zone out sometimes, almost trance like but im ok after it all just dont know what the hell this is. Been going on for a long while Someone said PTSD possibly but they weren't sure. Has anyone felt this before? Please help


Edited by Aries1984 (05/20/13 12:29 AM)
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#435214 - 05/20/13 12:38 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Yes.

I think you have complex PTSD. That's caused by multiple abuses as a small child. You also have dissociative symptoms. These are evidenced by the zoning out and the trance-like state.

You really need to find a therapist who can work with you on your issues.

Some stuff you can do on your own:
Do homework to find a good therapist in your area.
Try to think back at what age you first started having symptoms. If this is too upsetting then back off from it until you talk to a therapist.

When you wake up sweating, scared, alone, you have been dreaming about the abuse you experienced. You have some level of amnesia as to what happened because it was extremely upsetting to you.

You can't put the pieces of the puzzle together yet because you don't have all the pieces in front of you. You have hidden a lot of them with amnesia or repression.

Puffer

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#435215 - 05/20/13 01:06 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: pufferfish]
Aries1984 Offline


Registered: 04/08/12
Posts: 29
Loc: Chicago
Thanks Puffer. Can complex PTSD get worse?
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It is not the destination so much as the journey!!

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#435216 - 05/20/13 01:29 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Can it get worse?

I don't really know much about where you're coming from in life.

I guess I can answer from my own experience. As I got older, I was becoming more and more tense as I saw in myself reactions that I didn't understand. The tension (actually muscle tension) worked to feed back into these reactions. Fatigue built up as I wasn't sleeping well over an extended period of time. This didn't help very much.

It started getting better when I was talking to a therapist. I started telling the therapist about the secrets I had as a child who experienced abuse. The therapist was able to listen intelligently and respond meaningfully to my grief. I let it all out. It took awhile but I started relaxing and feeling better.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (05/20/13 01:34 AM)

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#435230 - 05/20/13 04:21 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
Aries1984 the first time I set foot in a therapist office after a panic attack that broke open my seal of repression I looked her in the eye and told her "I think I may be going crazy." Even at that time I knew enough that I could laughingly follow it up with "I know, I know, crazy people don't know they are crazy." It didn't matter though because that is how I FELT despite my knowledge. So I am here to tell you what you are feeling is not abnormal for survivors, you are NOT alone on this one. In fact, it is quite possible you are experiencing side effects associated with PTSD but I am no expert.

This brings me to my next point. If you feel up for it I would highly encourage you to seek out professional help from a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. You asked "does it get worse?" Mental illnesses are like cuts that, if left uncleaned with no bandage, fester until they become progressively more infected even to the point of affecting the whole body like a gangrene or blood poisoning. The people society generally regard as "crazy" did not get that way in a day. Usually, they have spent years if not decades suffering from some unresolved psychological problem of which they may very well be consciously unaware.

That being said I have wonderful news for you. You are not only aware of your PTSD symptoms and recognize them as such but you are also aware of their origins. This means you are can start dressing the wounds that were inflicted upon you as a child. Literature, professionals, and sites like these can all act as medicine for your invisible wounds. I can tell you from personal experience it has gotten much better for me even after only a couple years. This may sound like a long time to have one's mind in a cast but let me tell you after 20 years of suffering in silence thinking I was depressed/suicidal by nature 2 years of knowing otherwise while facing my past is not so bad in comparison : ) And we are only just beginning!
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"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#452634 - 11/06/13 03:01 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Publius]
Aries1984 Offline


Registered: 04/08/12
Posts: 29
Loc: Chicago
Thanks Publius been trying to find a therapist since this was posted, not going so well, but a friend who has been where I am but been to therapy is helping me. Been having conversations and she got me to actually open up a little. Having her listen to me and cry with me, tell me it will be ok, actually helped. She is trying to help me find a local therapist so I can face this and in time live life. One day at a time. It is comforting to have people like y'all helping me to. Thank you all
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#452766 - 11/07/13 11:41 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
Max10 Offline


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 69
Loc: Oregon
PTSD can be a very debilitating disorder. I had it real bad 2 years ago but was very fortunate to find a wonderful counselor who has helped me immensely as well as a men's group called Seeking Safety. It's a group for men with PTSD and has helped me heal as well as learn about behaviors associated with PTSD and how to change how I am affected by triggers in life. I have also learned a lot about boundaries.
You can read about Seeking Safety at www.seekingsafety.org/
Take care,
Orchid
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Have a wonderful day.....no matter what!

~Max10~
~ I am not a victim...I am a survivor! ~

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#452887 - 11/08/13 10:48 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Dude. You need therapy. I've had similar experiences. You can get a handle on things, but I think you need professional help. Please get help. When I was in a state like you... it was a weekend. I knew things had to change. I started going through the phone book calling therapists until they started calling me back, and to each one I blurted out the problems I had until someone was able to talk me through the next few days and see me. That's how I got the ball rolling, and I'm damn glad I did.

I know it can be intimidating. And there can be 1,000 reasons not to do it. Money. Time. Whatever. Do it. Get it going. PTSD is terrible but treatable. It's just like diabetes or something. You can't treat cancer yourself. You can't treat diabetes yourself. And they are REAL diseases. PTSD is real, and it will mess you up as bad as any other disease.

Thanks for having the courage to ask your questions. Please get help!

Bob

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#456585 - 12/11/13 01:56 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
Aries1984 Offline


Registered: 04/08/12
Posts: 29
Loc: Chicago
Thanks Bob, found a therapist and has my first session yesterday. What an amazing and freeing experience it was. Just talking to him was such a weight off my shoulders. I feel great today and have begun the healing process. Thank you all for encouraging me to get help, I am ready to start this journey of healing and get better. Thanks again.
Aries


Edited by Aries1984 (12/11/13 01:57 AM)
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It is not the destination so much as the journey!!

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#456599 - 12/11/13 11:02 AM Re: PTSD? [Re: Aries1984]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1411
Loc: California
I'd just like to add the the chorus here and say this:

PTSD has its origins as a PHYSIOLOGICAL anxiety disorder. It is not something that is wrong with YOU (the thinker/feeler). This is not a damning condemnation of who you are or your worth. It is an anxiety disorder that is carried in the body (tension in the muscles) that comes from the reptilian brain (pre-conscious), which works on "fight or flight" impulse. The abuse we suffered instigated this physiological disorder and it is up to our ingenuity, creativity, soul searching, and perseverence to overcome it.

I spent many years doubting that I can overcome mine (I have complex PTSD). I sometimes still doubt that I can overcome. But there are plenty of brothers here at MS who claim that they have (or are overcoming), and I choose to believe them. So I stick around and I keep trying even when I feel like throwing in the towel.

What is the alternative? Allowing PTSD to take its natural course in my life and winding up somewhere in the gutter? It's an unfair choice we have to make, but that is the way it is.
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