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#434668 - 05/14/13 03:35 PM Mirrors and Photos *PT*
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
*Potential triggers*

This whole issue has got me thinking about an awful lot and one thing thats just occured to me, another puzzle piece slotting itself into place; is my relationship with mirrors and cameras.

I can't remember when it started, I'm going to guess around age 10, I had this weird obsession of mirror starring. I would gaze forever into the mirror, often repeating my name and it would sound strange. I would laugh at the thought that I was who I was, it just seemed surreal, everything. Not long after, I could not STAND getting my photo taken and I didn't enjoy being recorded. I know everyone thinks they sound weird when they listen back to their voice, but I hated hearing it, I hated seeing myself on camera or on a photo.

This has transcended into adulthood. I really struggle with photos, though it has to be said; I have got better as my confidence has grown somewhat over the last few months. I still cannot stand being on camera though, just hate it.

And now mirrors! This has been a more sort of...I dont know 'new' thing over the last few months. Prior to my 'realisation' I would generally avoid mirrors, but not as a matter of purpose; I removed the issue out of my mind like I had so many things previously. Regardless, I have lately found myself starring for ages into a mirror. I'm trying to look and see if the person starring back is worth anything. Do they look good? I don't know. Am I still young? Is that you?

I feel like my reflection is someone else.

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#434697 - 05/14/13 10:22 PM Re: Mirrors and Photos *PT* [Re: Poorsoft]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3313
Loc: O Kanada
you are not alone.

the magic of mirrors.

i call it my time machine.

i can transport to any age through my eyes.

i need to face my self every night and account.

i use the mirror to prepare for performance.
talk to my reflection.

i would allow the other to take over through the pane, through the pain.

i would imagine that i could hypnotize myself.

transport into that reverse dimension. exchange places and look back at myself from the other side of the glass.
not a mirror, but a window.

if i relaxed my eyes just the right way, i could melt my two eyes into one. holding this stare as long as possible, without blinking. one eye, not left nor right. both fused. looking back at me. through me.

no drugs required, this would put me in the right mood. i always performed sober and straight. hit the stage running. booze and dope only got in the way, slowed me down, dulled the experience. the mirror was my anchor. my persona lived in there.

the mirror has been an anchor throughout my life.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#434798 - 05/15/13 10:52 PM Re: Mirrors and Photos *PT* [Re: Poorsoft]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
the mural i painted on my entry wall was beautiful enough. But I could not transport myself into the composition until I hung a mirror over the horizon, in the clouds. It gives me access into this other world I had created. My escape.

I love mirrors. When I look at myself, I sometimes don't recognize the man I have become. Its nothing bad, but the man looks pretty much a man in charge, and I don't feel such most of the time.

I like the light they reflect... that sense of freedom and escape. I have four hanging in one room... artistically presented of course...lol
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#434835 - 05/16/13 08:36 AM Re: Mirrors and Photos *PT* [Re: Poorsoft]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3356
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i hate photos of myself.
i dislike mirrors.
i never think that either one show the real me - not how i feel like i should look.
i have spent long periods of my life avoiding both.
my favorite picture of myself - really the only one i like over the age of about 10 - was drawn by one of my art teachers when i was about 16. it seems to show the real me.
sometimes i am surprised by my reflection because it looks so different from how i feel.
i plan to take some time this summer getting re-acquainted with my younger self by looking through old photos from my mom's house.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#434846 - 05/16/13 11:26 AM Re: Mirrors and Photos *PT* [Re: Poorsoft]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1399
Loc: California
I don't like mirrors or photos of myself too, for different reasons.

Crossed eyed.

I look at myself in the mirror and see 2 decrepit eyes looking every which way other but back at me. It's disturbing and disorienting. And when I choose to look at the reflection, I see 2 broken half faces looking back at me (with cockly eyes). Having crossed eyes means having double vision.

In essence, while I can see shapes, colors and everything else that everyone sees, I see 2 of everything. My vision is fundamentally broken. And I hate looking at myself in mirrors because of it.

Add that to everything that y'all said - I don't feel like I'm looking at myself in the mirror; or I don't want it to be myself looking back at me.

The reflection in the mirror is alien and foreign. Sometimes it feels like a threat.


_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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