it is amazing the cruel wisdom we come to possess as survivors.all to aware that we have been changed and yes I think that part does die. and yet we live what drives me nuts is the not knowing what was lost. would it have been this way no matter? is this what I was created for?
or was there something else? Did we somehow take a giant cosmic misstep after the abuse?is there any way back at all? I know what you speak of my friend. never daring to embrace anything good for fear of loosing it still there unfortunately. Still for some reason I keep pushing to find it. maybe that is where the frustration comes from. hope it gets better for you bud
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"