Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cainrafael (28), GL (67), JohnP725 (66), Lloydy (61), Marie-TwoOfUs (35)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 28 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63185 Topics
441811 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#434029 - 05/08/13 10:53 AM T.Com
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Taking Care of Myself

I journaled this about a week ago and I keep coming back to it. "What are the things I need to do to take care of myself?" T.Com I think it's a great acronym for our digital age.

As a six year old boy, I subconsciously cried out. I wanted someone to save me, protect me, tell me I was a good boy for the things I'd already done and not insinuate that I needed to try harder. I wanted loving supportive family relationships, a world in which I could play and grow up in.

I didn't have that.

It sucks, but I never had those things. My daddy stopped being my daddy the moment he abused me. My mom lost her place recently, when she failed to give credence to the effects that the father-son incest has had on my life. I never had what I hoped for. I held out hope for a long time, too.

I was down in the dirt, depressed, DEPRESSED. The first thing I did to take care of myself, I started therapy. I wanted to end it all... so I tried therapy. The second thing? I threw away the filter and journaled 25 pages of my deepest thoughts about myself and the world around me... my T smiled, fist-bumped me, and said good job, those are feelings.

As I've done all that... I now realize that the only person who's going to pick me out of the dirt is myself. I'm the only person who's going to do that. No one else will. I have to want to get up, and I do, I SO do. I am tired of living in this hell and I now I learn I don't have to.

So I'll pick up one foot then the next. I'll put one foot in front of the other... that's all I can do for now. What do I need to do to take care of myself? I run. I try and eat healthy (keyword TRY). I am practicing boundaries... work, personal, marriage. I am exploring my interest in photography (taking classes, new DSLR).

It's on no one else to pick me up but me. I grew up. My childhood lost. All I can do is reflect and mourn. It's gone. That doesn't mean my future has to be lost as well. It's all about taking care of myself. Allowing myself to feel, reaching out to you guys for help and advice, setting boundaries with people in my life (cutting out the abuser and now the unhealthy mother).

It's not been easy, but the results have been far better than the hell I was living in.

T.Com

What are you guys doing to take care of yourselves?
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

Top
#434037 - 05/08/13 01:11 PM Re: T.Com [Re: csasurvivor1992]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
What I've done over the last 30 years (this is how I survived)

Followed my dreams; followed my passion
Acted as if
sought a lot of help through therapy and 12 step
sought out faith and a higher meaning
kept looking for things I liked, and tried to do them
didn't give up (even though I felt like doing so over and over)
became humble to look at my own faults and shortcomings and endeavor to work on them


I'm still waiting for the fruits of my labor. But I can see the work I've done starting to ripen in the vine of my life. I'm starting to see a change in my every day experiences around people; I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin, becoming more centered and grounded, and as a result, am starting to enjoy the small moments.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#434086 - 05/08/13 11:32 PM Re: T.Com [Re: csasurvivor1992]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1478
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: csasurvivor1992
It's on no one else to pick me up but me. I grew up. My childhood lost. All I can do is reflect and mourn. It's gone. That doesn't mean my future has to be lost as well. It's all about taking care of myself. Allowing myself to feel, reaching out to you guys for help and advice, setting boundaries with people in my life (cutting out the abuser and now the unhealthy mother).


You're on your way man. Thanks for inspiring us with this post. We all need to pursue recovery like our lives depended on it. In fact our lives DO depend upon it. No stopping, no compromises. Keep it up csa survivor.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.