jwmcd2, I agree with genedebs... short term, close your eyes in those moments and take deep breaths. kind of like an asthmatic taking an inhaler puff.
longer term, you deserved better. you deserved far better than what you got. i'll tell you the anger i have felt (and am still working through) in the grieving process is aimed at my abuser and the terrible thing he did to me. in the past, i was becoming like him and i was angry at everything... even the birds shaking out their feather in my freshly cleaned living room! ARGH! but, while i still get agitated with that, it's not them i'm angry at. they're birds, that's what birds do. and they're social birds, so they need to be out among my wife and i. it's the notion that i allowed birds just to make my wife happy... that's what i'm angry at. the notion that i had to give a part of myself to her just so she would accept me.
longer term, you deserved better. you deserved better. the breathing exercise has helped me (used it like FIFTY TIMES yesterday). it works, keeps me balanced. but it's a band-aid to a deeper wound... we were abused and that is a big deal with life-altering consequence... a consequence that wasn't our fault.
it's not your fault you were abused. you deserved better.
do you have a support team around you? family or friends you can talk with? that may help too.
hang in there DW and good on you for reaching out.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.