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#432553 - 04/26/13 06:02 PM Is it time?
weharry1959 Offline

Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
I recently started keeping a journal. It is a big deal for me because I am so afraid that people will find out that I was sexually abused as a kid and again when I was in the military. They say that theres some therapy in writing, it suppose to help put things into perspective. That said, I have put to paper details that I've never articulated and have come to a stark awareness.
I've done the counseling, the cognitive therapy, the talking, the crying, the anger, the fear, the wonderment. I am tired, don't want to do this any more, I wanna forget, I want to have a normal relationship with my wife, I wanna be a different person. I wanna see myself as a man. But, like knowing bitter from the sweet, I can't. I feel cornered. I hope you guys have better success. I don't know why I'm writing this, but it's done. P.S. I promised my wife I wouldn't do anything stupid, so I'm not gonna. I am so tired.
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

#432564 - 04/26/13 06:59 PM Re: Is it time? [Re: weharry1959]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:07 PM)

#432608 - 04/27/13 02:51 AM Re: Is it time? [Re: weharry1959]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: weharry1959
I am tired, don't want to do this any more, I wanna forget, I want to have a normal relationship with my wife, I wanna be a different person. I wanna see myself as a man.

Hey harry,

Those are all valid wishes, things we all strive for. Don't give up yet've already invested alot of yourself in recovery. Keep going till you find the miracle.

Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

#432637 - 04/27/13 01:37 PM Re: Is it time? [Re: weharry1959]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1529
Think bivuoac. When you get tired climbing this cliff, set up camp where you are. Don't jump off. You can resume the climb whenever you are ready. I bivuoaced for four intense years of working on my professional degree. Just put it all on the shelf. The work I did with my therapist didn't disappear. It - and my past - were waiting patiently for me when I graduated, when I had more maturity, more energy, and more perspective.

And WeHarry, please. PLEASE. You promised your wife you wouldn't do anything stupid, and that's good. But it's hollow unless you make the same promise to yourself. I lost my best friend in the world because he did something stupid. If you cannot make that promise to yourself, then you can't keep it for anyone else. It's just not possible.

Click my pic to see why I'm here


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