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#464186 - 04/16/14 08:39 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 81
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
Originally Posted By: victor-victim

it became obvious that I NEVER HAD THE JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

Crying so hard right now... Remembering the line repeated so often when everyone thought my pain was JUST a drinking thing... "Let God, let go..."

So much to consider, for me...

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis
My Story: Short / Long version. *TRIGGERS*

#468646 - 08/07/14 01:43 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: I Want 2 Thrive]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3521
Loc: O Kanada
"Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat."
~ Harry Fosdick

“Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.”
~ Aurelius Augustinus Hipponensis

"To carry a grudge, is like being stung to death by one bee."
~ William H. Walton

these thoughts help me when i start to hate.
it reminds me that i must stay healthy if i want to heal.


#470304 - 09/21/14 09:03 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
OCN Offline

Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 291
Loc: Western Europe
Was just wondering guys, do you see forgiving as a process or as an act? I know and i feel that i have forgiven the person, but somehow i seem to be missing the point of it altogether. It feels like i still have all the pain and sadness locked up inside my body (mainly the left side of my face actually).

As far as i can tell, i see it as a process in which you learn to dig deeper into the anger. Sometimes there is a hole through which you can see the deepest truth - underneath all the anger and fear lives the love which i need and cherish, but at the same time so many times i deny myself this love.

It's tough, but i know that it's my responsibility to take care of myself.
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

#470341 - 09/22/14 07:20 AM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i think it is a process - and a continuously renewable DECISION.

i also see it as an ongoing disentanglement from the bondage to the abuser - or cutting myself free from the past and the acts and connection to the perps and becoming independently and personally responsible for myself and creating my own feelings and actions - not being programmed to RE-act and RE-spond and RE-enact the old scenarios and RE-play the old "tapes."

just my point of view...
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago

#470390 - 09/23/14 05:16 PM Re: healing through forgiveness [Re: victor-victim]
OCN Offline

Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 291
Loc: Western Europe
Thanks for sharing Lee! Recognize the part of being programmed. In my view it's being hijacked by the perpetrator and victim in your mind, which play out their endless game of blame and suffering.

In my case i struggle to set my brother aside from the abuser. I know rationally that i don't need to blame him for what happened long ago, but inside i still feel anger. It might very well be anger directed at something completely different, but for now it's easy to link everything back to the abuse. Really about all the RE's you mention.

More and more i realize i am the one who needs forgiveness the most. Cause nobody else will ever be able to get as close as i can be to myself. Therefore i'm really making an effort to work on myself now that i have the time to.

Thanks for your reply, much appreciated. Gives me another point of view to work on/work with!

Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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