So, we were driving down the road today. My husband was driving and i was playing with the GPS. just to see where i might find a particular bank. unsuccessful - no big deal.
but then i started looking at the Favorites list. saw that i had added a location for where i lived when i was married to a woman and we had kids. the kids are all grown now and moved away, but i still have the address labeled - Kids house in Atlanta.
i mused on that for awhile and realized i was still considering that my home, although i've not lived there in 12 years. i have a new home and a new life. but in the wake of dealing with being a male survivor, i contemplate life differently now.
it made me sad to realize that i still do not have closure on what all happened during the divorce and having to be away from my children as they grew up (my ex used the kids against me in so many ways).
it has surfaced in my conscience that i have a new issue to face. well, an old one at this point. but a new topic. deep sigh.
i'll find a way to make peace with that part of my past, it will just take time.
it might also take a change of different sorts here in this life with my husband. and i'm 100% certain a conversation with him about this will transpire. just not sure when.
i want to have the conversation - but also have some options thought out that can help bring closure and help him feel secure about us - even with me having to deal with additional aspects of my past.
i'm also 100% certain that it is because i have Kevin in my life, caring so deeply for my every need, that i'm learning to find safety in digging into the unresolved issues.
i am a lucky man indeed, despite what life looks like in the rear-view mirror.
If you can't take a joke, you need a nap. Me.