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#430772 - 04/10/13 03:06 PM Great T Session
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 744
Loc: Southeast USA
After two crappy weeks of poor sleep and anxiety filled dreams, I finally got to dump this on my T.

I told her that I have been communicating with a fellow survivor of the same perp. I hadnt shared this before, so she was a bit shocked. I assured her I carefully considered it and didn't jump into it.

The other kid...well he is my age...We were at camp together and both experienced abuse from this guy. The thing is...we knew each other at camp, but didn't know for sure we both were victims---though we both had suspicions. The guy is legit, I've carefully allowed him to recount what happened that summer. What he has told me helps tremendously. It fills certain gaps in the timeline-but opens the possibility that the creep took more pictures than I realized. He volunteered to take camp pictures...and who knows what happened to them all...even those "innocent" pictures of shirtless kids in swimsuits? What about the "lost" items from camp? Did one of my swimsuits end up in the hands of this creep? My response to these anxieties...yawn. Well, I can do that now...instead of worrying about decades old unknowns.

The other kid...

We were rivals and a study in contrasts, but we both encountered the same perp and abuse. He was the quiet, compliant, lonely kid who needed adult male companionship. I was homesick and something of a mouthy challenger to an established order.

The perp saw this and groomed accordingly. He gave the other kid attention for sure. He gained my trust, but used it to conquer me and regain his control. After he did what he did, I was definitely more muted and passive.

I told my T that the perp performed a virtual castration and lobotomy on me to protect his own ego and control needs. She just about fell out of her chair and said it was a very Intersting and valid metaphor. She wanted to see where I went with it. She reminded me of the accomplishments I made afterward...that I recovered what he took that summer. She's right. I came back to conquer ADHD, sports, mountains, high school, college, career.

I hope the son of a bitch doesn't think that 13 year-old kid was out for the count. Then again, does it even fucking matter what he thinks?

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#430779 - 04/10/13 05:20 PM Re: Great T Session [Re: Suwanee]
peroperic2009 Online   content
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Will,
great that you are making progress with your healing.
I can imagine face of your T then you told her about your fellow survivor, lol. It must be some shock for her. You know many survivors would need a lot of help and preparation for such contact and talk.

Originally Posted By: Suwanee
I told my T that the perp performed a virtual castration and lobotomy on me to protect his own ego and control needs. She just about fell out of her chair and said it was a very Intersting and valid metaphor. She wanted to see where I went with it. She reminded me of the accomplishments I made afterward...that I recovered what he took that summer. She's right. I came back to conquer ADHD, sports, mountains, high school, college, career.

I hope the son of a bitch doesn't think that 13 year-old kid was out for the count. Then again, does it even fucking matter what he thinks?

Will


Very insightful observation. It is good that your T checked where you are at present comparing to back than and those lobotomy times. And you really have reasons to be proud on self and you accomplishments.

No, it is not all important what he thought back than, I wonder did he at all saw real you if I may say that.
You know I sometimes wonder if abusive people are capable of thinking about victims at all. They are in constant search for spots of weakness around them, it is fast panic kind of life made of short glimpses of some deeper consciousness selfishly pointed to own importance. There is not much space left for others. You are much bigger than that, you were back than many years ago and now difference is even much wider...

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#430780 - 04/10/13 05:35 PM Re: Great T Session [Re: Suwanee]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
"Does it even fucking matter what he thinks?"

Only if it's "these tumors are so painful and I miss my testicles, why won't death make the pain stop??!" Nothing else is of consequence.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#430783 - 04/10/13 05:57 PM Re: Great T Session [Re: Suwanee]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Castration + lobotomy. That sounds about right.

It does not matter what your perp thinks about you. Fuck him. He is not even worth the time that a revenge fantasy takes to concoct.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#430788 - 04/10/13 07:40 PM Re: Great T Session [Re: Suwanee]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
"I hope the son of a bitch doesn't think that 13 year-old kid was out for the count. Then again, does it even fucking matter what he thinks?"

Will, I replaced age 13 for all my ages. Fuck them all. Thank you.

"It does not matter what your perp thinks about you. Fuck him. He is not even worth the time that a revenge fantasy takes to concoct. "

Cant, I reserve this for the mid age event. Fuck him. Thank you.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#430820 - 04/10/13 11:30 PM Re: Great T Session [Re: Suwanee]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1139
Loc: The ATL

Hi Will. Good post and great analogy. Having read your story it definitely makes sense. It sounds like your recovery from that "lobotomy" has gone and is going about as well as could ever be expected. Now if only you could extract and bottle whatever it is in you that has driven you to achieve so much after being traumatized so badly, I'm sure many of us would be lining up for a just a sample! I've got dibs on the front of the line just in case you ever do! smile

If you don't mind my asking, how is the other guy? Where has his path taken him? Is he ok? Is he struggling, is he overcoming, or a little bit of both? Perhaps you should invite him to post here but that is up to you. Maybe you already have and it's just not for him.

Oh, and I have to echo what everyone else said as far as your perp is concerned. Fuck what he thinks and fuck him, wherever he is now, which is hopefully rotting in prison. Peace,

Ken

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