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#429925 - 04/03/13 09:15 AM Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly...
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 289
Loc: Europe
I remember my brother telling me to get down. As I was kneeling, he came at me unzipping his jeans. I remember nothing else.

I know he put his penis in my face. I think (am I doubting myself or giving myself a way out?) I gave him oral sex.

BUT

Even if nothing happened after, my large 16 year-old brother coming after my average 11-year-old self while I was kneeling and he was pulling his jeans and undewerwear down...

That alone is abuse.

right?
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#429928 - 04/03/13 09:27 AM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Hey Learning...

What you said here was brief, written with nervousness, but was a huge step forward for you. Every time you talk about it it will get a little easier, and a little more of the shame will fade away. Good work man!

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#429932 - 04/03/13 09:37 AM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
DRA Offline


Registered: 02/07/13
Posts: 47
Hi learning,

I'm proud of you. Jude's right. This is a big step forward. Every little bit helps, and this one is a big step. I'm proud of you.

Regards,

DRA
_________________________
Strength in power is a false victory rooted in vapid grandiosity. Strength in character and integrity is the freedom to act righteously irrespective of the surrounding pressure. True power is the presence of mind to live with character and integrity.

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#429935 - 04/03/13 09:38 AM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
L2R,

Even if nothing else happened it was abuse. "Assault" is a threatened / attempted attack - "battery" is the actual contact.

But I'm sorry to say, given the age / strength differential, and my own experience with partial memories of that particular type of incident... and how they "came true" eventually... that it very likely was what you think it was, that he got what he wanted. I'm so sorry. But better to admit to yourself than to hide from yourself.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#429956 - 04/03/13 12:24 PM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 289
Loc: Europe
Weird thing is, I've said the above and more, and have come a long way. Today, though, just seemed to be getting to me again. I can allow for that. Thanks for the encouragement.
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#429987 - 04/03/13 02:37 PM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:01 PM)

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#430057 - 04/04/13 07:24 AM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey guys, it is interesting to see three twins in one topic, lol.

learning2remember it was abuse by simple fact that bothers you, obviously it hurts you a lot and it is not by accident that it is on your mind for so long time...
I'm sorry man, you are heard here and you are not alone!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#430067 - 04/04/13 10:07 AM Re: Hard to say, but maybe if I write it quickly... [Re: learning2remember]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 624
Loc: VA
Learning:

I hope your communications here at MS help you cope, in the event you DO start to recall further events. Many of us have actively blanked out parts of our ordeals, telling ourselves (and others) alternate histories that don't contain the worst events. For decades I told myself that "he" didn't do anything else after he took my clothes off and threw me into the bed--he just left the room. Riiiiight!

A child might believe the sanitized story, but eventually the adult figures it out--sometimes without digging up all the details, but other times (like me!) only when zapped by flashbacks. Hang in there, we survived the real thing!

John

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