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#426485 - 02/25/13 08:46 PM Cant stand to see him suffer anymore
YYZGIRL Offline


Registered: 01/21/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada/USA
Feeling very frustrated tonight, this amazing man that I love is suffering so much that it breaks my heart. I am happy to report that he is now seeing a new T and is in his third week, I am so proud of him ! I have taken the advise of other on here and started focusing on my self care but it is still in the back of my mind that he is not eating or sleeping and that due to us living in different country's for the past 2 months due to work, I fear that it is much worse then he is telling me. I would jump in my car tonight to see him but he says he does not want me to come there...Any suggestions on what I should do?

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#426535 - 02/26/13 07:38 AM Re: Cant stand to see him suffer anymore [Re: YYZGIRL]
pittsburgh Offline


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 89
Loc: west Chester, Pa
Hi: I am very happy to hear he is working with a T, I can only speak from my experiance, I have found each of CSA is very differant. It took me two years to finally tell all of the horrid details to my T. I had kept everthing so bottled up. My girl friend, now wife, had great pantiece with me and it took all of it. So what I am saying give time, do not crowd him, keep reading not only on hear but some books, Perhaps in time attend some sessions with his T or see his T yourself, to discuss just how you can help him. For give the spelling I am just writeing and letting it flow from the heart, Best of luck, it will take work, It is quite a jorney for both. It is worth it, My wife and I understand each other better than most. Just a last thought, It took three years of working with my T before everthing came ou
_________________________
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

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#426537 - 02/26/13 08:03 AM Re: Cant stand to see him suffer anymore [Re: YYZGIRL]
pittsburgh Offline


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 89
Loc: west Chester, Pa
My wife and I will keep you and your man in our thoughts and prays
_________________________
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

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#426543 - 02/26/13 09:22 AM Re: Cant stand to see him suffer anymore [Re: YYZGIRL]
KAL Offline


Registered: 02/24/13
Posts: 17
YYZ- I am going through something very, very similar- but I find the best thing you can do when he says don't come is to respond with "okay. I respect your space. Just know that I am here". I have found that with that response with my beloved who's a victim he's been able to trust me more and let me see him when he's low and he is slowly realizing that the comfort and company make him feel a little bit better (though still in bed, he can speak and smile and laugh). It is so so hard. I'll pray for you.

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#426669 - 02/27/13 10:37 AM Re: Cant stand to see him suffer anymore [Re: YYZGIRL]
YYZGIRL Offline


Registered: 01/21/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada/USA
Thank you all for your responses and your advise, this whole situation is just so frustrating! I am trying to give him his space right now but I think the hardest part for me is that he use to be so open with me regarding his CSA and how he was feeling. It has only been in the last year that he shut down on me, I keep thinking if he really did love me why would he shut down? I am so angry at his family for not listening and supporting him when he told them, to this day they will not talk about it and his mother denies that it even happened...I think their support would help him in this struggle... I am happy to report that he has started seeing a new T and he seems to like her, I just hope he sticks with it...

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#426688 - 02/27/13 02:27 PM Re: Cant stand to see him suffer anymore [Re: YYZGIRL]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Quote:
I keep thinking if he really did love me why would he shut down?


Don't even go there. It's not about you.

While I have no idea what he is going through I do know what I experienced for a while. And one of the books I read said it something like this. There is a war going on. It's not that he is in the battle field, he is the battle field.

I had competing thought patterns happening. And while I didn't trust the emotional side it was winning a lot of the time. Forget about logic. Just get out of the way. You could so easily be cast as the enemy. And you won't know why or what you have done. Being supportive is good. But sometimes you need to recognize that there is some crazy shit going on that you have no control over it.

This was some of my experience. I don't know what goes on with other people. So take it with a grain of salt.

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