I am new to this site. I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I am 42 years old. I was sexually abused by two men at the same time for 2 years. I was also sexually abused by a male family member until age 13. I have been in therapy since age 22. I have a lot of issues such as PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Hypervigilance, and OCD. To me hypervigilance is the worst. It is hard describe but is basically PTSD on steroids. I used to have really bad nightmares, but through therapy no more. I thought by 42 years old I would be "fixed" by now. I am in a much better place now than 20 years ago. I still have a lot of pain in my heart. I still cry sometimes. Very few people in my family know what I have been through. Just my mother, father and older sister know. I am still embarrased to tell my brothers or friends.

hi brokenbuthealing
Welcome to M.S. I am so glad you have found us though sorry you had need to. grab a cup of coffee and relax. here you will find a group of guys who really " get it" unfortunately because we have been there too. so join us in chat,read the forums just make your self comfy and heal well
Jeff

Welcome Brokenbuthealing!

This is a great place to meet some of your needs for validation and fellowship with men who have had similar experiences and feelings. Please read as you feel able, and post when you feel comfortable doing so. There's no pressure here, no judgement, and no condemnation.

Jude

Hi BrokenbutHealing,

I am 45. I first went to therapy when I was about 16. I too survived both incest and sexual abuse outside my family of origin.
I too thought that I should have been done with therapy and work on this crap to feel good by now. What I have learned is that I no longer view my recovery from incest as an event. I also no longer speak of degrees of sexual abuse, only degrees of damage. It doesn't matter what went on when I was a child. The only things that matter to me now are what is happening to me today, and how do I change to feel better.

I wish you luck and am always glad to meet another survivor.

Geoff

What's up brokenbuthealing? I'm glad to hear you've come so far in your recovery. Sounds like you're on the right path to go even further. Don't worry about being embarrassed to tell people you're not ready to tell. Most of the people who are close to me in my life know about my childhood experiences already but not all of them. I'm not ready for people outside of my "little circle" to know any of that stuff and that's totally ok. Try not to feel "to embarrassed" to tell your brothers or friends. Try to think of it more as it not being any of their business until you're ready to make it their business. If you're never ready for it to be their business, than that's ok to. Just because you're close to them and love them doesn't mean your abuse has to be their business. I hope that makes some sense. Take care.

BrokenButHealing

I'm 50 and only told my siblings and friends last year, I had some good and bad experiences BUT I can honestly say it was worth telling them. my perpetrators lost all the power they ever had over me and i feel liberated. Now I really do not care a f$&@ what people think of me, "I am what I am". I've started South Africa Male Survivors Of Sexual Abuse and have a blog Kilimalesurvivor and I hope that anybody who reads my story, how I became a thriver, can learn from my experiences.

Welcome

Welcome
We all can find support here and everyone relates very well to eachother. Age does not matter, there are many of us here that are just starting to heal after years of hurting.
Hoping that your healing Journey is helped by MS! There are many of us here that feel that way.
Doug