There may be possible triggers.
I do not know where to start so I am going to start with a simple line. I am a survivor of CSA and ASA. I am an identical twin, at the age of 6 I was one of 4 siblings. My very young parents were constantly busy with trying to provide for 4 little munchkins at the time. So this why I thought I was special when my uncle would buy me sweets and chocolate. As I we were all homeschooled by my mother. My uncle would only help with the tasks we had be set to do. To me, a very quiet shy boy, with a slight delay in speech development, my uncle was the best. I was always excited to see him and I was gloat to my siblings when he took me places.
On twinís and Iís 7th birthday before the party with the children from Sunday school, my uncle pulled me aside and he told me that today is your special day. He walked me to one of the bedrooms in the house and he sat on the bed. He asked me to pull my trousers down, and so I did so. He told me that, on that day I was a big little man and little men kiss there uncles. So I asked what a kiss was, and he said heíd show me. He basically proceeded to kiss me. At the time I wasnít too sure why he had his tongue in my mouth or why he was touching my penis. I pulled away and he asked what was wrong and I told him the party was about to start, so we should get back. He said okay then, but thereís something we have to do so you can officially be a little man. I had no idea what he was talking about. He got up off the bed and asked me to lay on the bed, on my stomach. I did as he asked. As i lay down, I could hear the shuffle of his feet, then the sound of zip.
I could feel him get on the bed as well. I had no idea what was going on. He lifted my head and forced his fingers into my mouth. He then told to me bite them and so I did, and as I did, he thrust his penis into my anus. The Pain was immense so much as so, that I bit his fingers until I could taste blood in my mouth. He kept pounding my ass for god knows how long. My mind was blank. The pain finally lessened when he came into my ass. He told me that I was now a little man as he pulled out and hurriedly got off the bed. He then wiped the cum that had flowed out of my ass with his boxers. He told me that I did well and all I said was that really hurt uncle. He said you will get used to it and he was going downstairs and he told me to follow him in a few minutes. I nodded.
The minute he left the bedroom, I pulled my pants and trousers and hid under the bed, sobbing for god knows how long. My mother came upstairs, and she found me under the bed and yelled at me for being ungrateful because I hid the whole time. She dragged me downstairs as it when to cut the cake. When the other children when home my mother told me that she wouldnít never throw another birthday party for us because of my behaviour. I was so overwhelmed that day. And ever since that day, from time to time (once or twice a month) my uncle would rape me. It carried on for a good 4 years until I was 11 and in each one of those years, my mother kept her word about no birthday parties.
At the age of 10 my mother died, from child birth, having birth her 6th and final child. By age 11, I was pretty closed off to the whole world and still had no idea that having sex with my uncle was a bad thing. One Sunday after Sunday school, one the nanís pulled me to the side. She told me that my father was worried about me and so he asked her to speak to me. I just stared at her and she proceeded to ask me what made me happy and I told her nothing and she said there must be something, anything and anything i said to her she would keep it to herself. So I had a little think and I said I liked it when I spent time with my uncle. She asked why that was and I told her little man stuff and I went on to list what we had down together. She actually cried. And I told her, my father said crying is for weak people. She said that she must be weak then. She advised me to tell my father what I had told her.
Later that day I pretty much relied to my father the conversation I had with the nan at church. My father was angry to say the least. That night was the last time I saw him in our family home. The next day my grandmother came home and told us that our father had been arrested and he wasnít coming home any time soon. My siblings I got split up among family members, my twin and I were taken in by my grandmother.
It took a week for my grandmother to finally tell us, that my father had been arrested for nearly killing my uncle, his own elder brother. My uncle himself was also arrested, with aid of the nanís testimony of what I had her.
My twin and I were enrolled into a proper school. My grandmother took me to see a therapist twice a week, where basically I realised that my life up until I opened up to the Nan, was absolutely wrong. My uncle was not the best guy in the world, he was the devil himself. As I grew older, I got wilder; I was getting into bed with anyone who was interested, mainly with men much much older than me. As well as a few the same as me women, and sadly I managed to get one of them pregnant.
When I was 19 I was admitted into a mental institution after strangling a lecturer in college. I stayed there for a 174 days and came out with a list of disorders longer than my arm. But I was okay; I didnít feel the need to act out anymore. I met this great individual on my fast trek researcher course at university who I am still with until this day. When I was 23 I finally finished the course and started my first job in a medical research centre, I had the biggest crush on boss who much older than I was. He got close to me, far too close and my way of trying that tell him to get lost was telling him about my CSA. That usually got other men and women to run a mile and I thought he was just another guy who was in that long list.
I was no angel. I missed work to go to a music festival in another country. When I returned my boss told me that I needed to come in over the weekend to make for that time I missed. So the first Saturday I went, no one else was in the labs, I thought that was odd but I didnít think much of it. He offered me a cup of tea and without thinking about it I drank it. Only thing I remember was waking up in the work beds, for people who worked nights too. He told me I had passed out, and I was like oh sorry...I always pass out and I went home. My ass was achy and I thought maybe I fell flat on my ass when I fainted. On the Monday I went to my psychiatrist for my 3monthly bleed test, as I am on antipsychotics and anti-anxieties itís just to make sure my liver was functioning okay. So that day I went home and my psychiatrist called me and told me there was a significantly high dose of a tranquilizer in my blood and he asked if I was still using drugs and I told him I havenít used him for a very long time and he then told me this was a cause for concern.
I immediately knew what happened and the next day I confronted my boss, I asked him if he had raped me. He told me that I was twisted and that I was a tease who fantasized about him fucking me, just like I yarned for my uncle to fuck me. I quit my job that day, he warned me that I had to give 28days notice and I just told him to sue. I didnít want to sue for sexual harassment. I told my partner what I thought happened and what the blood test had shown and he talked me into not suing about just telling my bossís supervisor why I had quit. I did that, and a few months later my ex-boss contacted me and told me he was sorry about he did and he admitted to what he had done me in sick detail. He also told me that he has been fired and disqualified from his profession. I was quite happy with that result as going to jail would only enable him to hurt weaker mates.
Now Iím only at the age of 24, but I feel like I have lived a much longer life. I still continue to see a therapist, and I am helping my father with his apply to be released from prison. Iíve also recently gotten into contact with my cousin, who happens to be my uncleís son. Sadly he was got abused as well as by his father and being able to relate to one another has only made our bond stronger.
That is my story so far, as I am still fighting my demons.