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#424191 - 02/03/13 10:35 PM Better to let things be?
behindthewall Offline


Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US
Not really good at writing posts but gonna give it another try.
I was on the site a few yrs back for a while posting, talking to others...even started therapy.

All of this revelation and trying to deal with past events didn't sit well with my system I guess. Ultimately, I ended up losing a large chunk of time, over a year.

A lot went on in that year, dropped out of college, moved in with a guy, changed jobs (which I have since lost), stopped therapy, among others.

Anyway, now I'm thinking that it is better just to not try and sort all of this crap out. Everytime I try to take steps to delve into the past and address issues, something happens. Is it bad to just go along with how things are? Have any of you that have DID had similar experiences when you have tried to get things to come together?

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#424227 - 02/04/13 09:14 AM Re: Better to let things be? [Re: behindthewall]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
I had gone on for 40 years. Not a great life but it was what I had. While disappointed that I was not living a full life I was OK with continuing as I was. I felt if I can get through the next 20 years then it would be over. And 20 years isn't that much really.

But a couple of years ago things started falling apart. I was under a lot of stress. Maybe from the CSA needing to be dealt with or maybe just other factors that were the result of a life of choices shaped by the negative factors in my childhood, along with the abuse. In the end it didn't matter what the cause I was in a bad state and I tried to figure out how I got to where I was. I had to include the CSA as a significant factor. When I started researching it I then found it was much more potentially significant than I thought. So now I'm finally dealing with it.

Go read http://www.pandys.org/articles/oldersurvivorsofchildsexualassault.html

You will need to deal with this. But now may not be the right time for you. I personnally think the sooner the better. The sooner you can get off this broken track and get the most out of the rest of your life. But we are all different. YMMV

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#424258 - 02/04/13 01:47 PM Re: Better to let things be? [Re: behindthewall]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: behindthewall
Everytime I try to take steps to delve into the past and address issues, something happens. Is it bad to just go along with how things are?


Dear BTW,

No one can tell you when the time is right to deal with what happened to you. You will know it when you are there. However, from one who took many many years to deal with it, a word of caution: You do not yet know all the ways your experience has affected you. If you wait 20, 30, or 40 years to come to terms with your abuse, you will have lived most of your life under the weight of it. I have so many regrets about those wasted years. I could have lived much of it as a whole healthy man. Instead it was lived out as a drug, alcohol, and sex addict with all the resulting damage to myself and others. Please don't find yourself in that position when you reach my age.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#424270 - 02/04/13 04:46 PM Re: Better to let things be? [Re: behindthewall]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 135
Loc: Washington State
I have DID and yes it can make things all the more complicated. I have worked at my csa recovery the best that I could for the past 23 years. I agree that waiting a life time to begin the process is not the best plan. It goes by way to fast. That being said as we age things become posable to get into that once felt way to risky. Almost like we might undo ourselves in a way that we may not be able to come back from. I think if I could go back 22 years I would tell myself the following.

You are worthy to be loved
You have been harmed in ways that are far too much for you to deal with on your own.
Working on making your life stable and manageable is progress.
Working on addiction management will be a needed first step.
Small steeps count.
Shame is a killer.
Feeling are not good or bad.
Feelings are not something that should be used to make decisions.
Feelings need to be held and given time to naturally dissipate.
Build the capasity to hold your curent feeling as long as it remains with you.
Resist the urge to change what you are feeling if posable.
Love and respect your self and your desior for a better life even if that mean slowing down and readjusting the plan.
Don't give up.
You and all of your story are worthy to be understood and are valuable.
You are a survivor!
You are worthy to be loved.

Give your self premision to go at your own pace. But at the same time don't give up the fight for the wholeness you deserve.

Best wishes,

U + 22

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#424344 - 02/05/13 01:22 AM Re: Better to let things be? [Re: behindthewall]
behindthewall Offline


Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US
Thank you all for the replies. You made some very valid points and have given me much to think on. I appreciate it.

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#424345 - 02/05/13 01:44 AM Re: Better to let things be? [Re: behindthewall]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3487
Loc: somewhere in Africa
SmartShadow -

that's a great list of affirmations.
i may have to borrow that to use myself if you don't mind.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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