Survivors are marginalised in society for many reasons. (ignorance, human nature to label people). We know we have strengths from our pasts which are not signposted to others as clearly as the weaknesses we have.

For me when I get deep bouts of depression and feel like my future is severed I am intolerable which is not fit for relationships.

When I am more balanced and my quirks and demeanor of being a loose cannon are not completely off the chart (I feel I am bi-polar manic but untested) then I am exciting and fun to be around because I don't play by conventional rules that most men do. (I like to have a laugh and use my wit a lot - I feel this developed from my past to have a second identity and project humour and positivity. I ask a lot of unusual questions and think out of the box alot)

So I feel I would be a lot of work when I'm down but when I'm not then I embrace life to the fullest and that is desireable. But I do have issues with understanding my identity and the idea of how my future self should maybe I should be more critical of my actions but then again it is difficult to distinguish personality traits from actions induced from csa. It was so long ago that I'm not sure if I was a joker before hand or if I was so out going before ect.