Take care of yourself. That's what I see here. You have to make your own decisions about what is and isn't a sin, but don't beat yourself up over it. Only you know whether or not there is something wrong with it, but no matter what you decide: take it slow. Don't do anything rash. Don't become so worn out fighting something that you make a harmful choice out of exhaustion.
In my life, it always works better to fight FOR something rather than to fight AGAINST something. Figure out who you want to be and let your decisions flow from that. That's my two cents, anyways.
Take care of yourself.
"As long as the child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen . . . all appeals to love, solidarity, and compassion will be useless."
-- Alice Miller