I don't know why, but lately I have really been bothered about my chilhood abuse--both physical and sexual--and wanting to know what exactly happened to me as I have no recollection of it, except for a vague memory of the second and third times I was sexualy abused, and once when I was beaten. This has never really bothered me before,why is it now? Has anybody experienced this?

I know my family has approached me on this in the past, a d so I have been thinking about contacting them, but I am not sure bow exactly to bring it up to them. Also I live in a different state now. Please give me some feedback. This is really bothering me.

TW16

TW,

You are at a point in your life where you are feeling the need to complete the story of YOU. That's natural and healthy. For some of us, we will never understand the totality of what happened to us. For some of us that understanding comes late in life. And for some, perhaps you, the understanding is within reach. I suggest that you do contact your family. Tell them you are trying to put somethings in your life in order (true) and have some questions. You really have nothing to lose, and potentially much to gain.

Be well,

Jude

I constantly struggle with my lack of memory, some of which seem just out of reach. Read some of my back posts if you want to go down the rabbit hole on it.

It sounds like, as Jude said, you're on a good path, asking the right questions.

I've had trouble disclosing to family and asking to fill in gaps, but I did just recently with my sister. As for living in a different state, a phone call is a good first step. Face to face might be better in certain ways, but it's harder too.

We're here for you.

Cant

TW I could have written everything you wrote except the part about your family contacting you. Like Jude said you’re trying to figure out where you’ve been so you can figure out where you’re going and it’s only natural to want to know the truth of your childhood. It’s also really scary because of what you remember but most importantly what you don't. Meaning that for me I remember the last time @7, when he got caught, and of course the first time, I remember the fallout of being caught, but that’s it. I know it had to go on for at least 2 years; 24/7 access to me, no other recollections. I wish someone in my family reached out to me, to talk about this but it will never happen, you should take advantage of this, just be very careful, it might be more then you want to know, there might be a good reason that your mind has chosen to forget, I think for me it was the mundane reality of being raped after a while, the coercion he used on me, the fact that I struggle to hate el diablo daily, or maybe I’ve forgiven him idk. Just be careful with this, the memories will come back in their own time, slowly I’m remembering more, the colors of the walls the lampshades etc. it might be things that make everything much harder on yourself. We all want answers just don’t be surprised if you don’t want to hear what they are.

Cee