Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
clutzygurl (22), dun (50), Gene (50), ufp1964 (50), Zoot (68)
Who's Online
3 registered (don64, 2 invisible), 21 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63355 Topics
443000 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#423550 - 01/29/13 09:42 AM I am not self centered!
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I am abuser centered.

I absolutely have to make sure that I am perfect, clean, hard surfaced and hyper analytic. Everything MUST be reverse engineered or I will be hurt, brutally. I will be rejected, destroyed and abandon. Of course I am carefully and obsessively monitoring my actions, thoughts and words. Who has time for feelings, those are to manipulate the abuser, hoping to be able to talk my way out of the next abuse, or sadly, to talk my way into attention and intimacy.

I was abuser centered.
Confronting my abusers and learning to believe in me is importantly self aware that I am, and maybe a bit more than equal to peers, humbly I offer. One day I will be comfortable just being within others grouping.

I am.
The goal, I can actually see the finish line. A time where I do not think, feel or act for the abuser. Where I can interact with confidence and curiosity. I can see me, then.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

Top
#423552 - 01/29/13 09:54 AM Re: I am not self centered! [Re: SamV]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1506
Loc: New England
"You're being self-centered!" Thats something I hear alot. When the fact is I'm just trying to find my way out of this hell I've lived in for so many years.

The goal seems far away, but you are right, its within sight and attainable.

Jude
_________________________
"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real"
Van Halen

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.