(((( Gecko ))))
You're winning this game, brother. You're understanding your defense mechanisms and working to overcoming them.
Understanding that your subconscious was trying to sabotage your relationship in order to keep you "safe" is a great step, and the fact that your girlfriend saw through this and continued coming to your T session into your "safe place" is a HUGE sign that you're in a good place right now.
Congrats, brother. Proud of you.
Team Rubber Band!
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.