New to the site and am struggling with reconciling the "abuse" that happened to me at 12. It was by a person that is now a member of my family, it was something that happened when he stayed at our house for a week and we shared my room.

The thing is prior to 12 me and another kid in the neighborhood had explored we were the same age and it was touching each other. I should have said up front that I believe that I like boys and girls and have known I felt this way ever since I was a kid.

So the difference is when I was 12 the guy was 20 and for many years I have always looked at that week without thinking it was abuse that it was kind of the way we bonded while he was getting ready to marry into our family. We got closer that way and I felt like it was normal then.

Now I am not sure that I should be recalling those memories with fondness, he is still in our family and has always treated me like a brother, none of the things we did continued after he got engaged to my sister. We have a relationship and I consider him a brother in law.

I also have had 2 boyfriends that came about in my late teens and they were great relationships I was close to them and both of those guys ended up going on to meet women of their dreams. I have dated 3 girls as well and was close and intimate with them. I believe I don't have a preference each time i fell for the person not the sex and the intimacy we had in all of my past relationships was something I would not change. I have recently decided to embrace the thought of liking both guys and girls and am just trying to research here about if my identity has been formed or I am made that way.

I know that there are a million stories on here and most of them are alot more violent than what mine was, I don't believe anyone should have to be forced to do anything - and for that it may be that my experiences are pretty minimal but I do believe that if you are exploring and your past is different and involved adults at all that I can find some answers here.

Thanks for reading

Josh.

I wouldn't bother. You are who you are. Knowing that 56% was the result of your early exposure will not change anything. Are you happy with your identity? It seems so. Then don't worry about it.

While I am concerned about the difference in age from what you wrote about (and it was wrong) that does not mean that it has effected you so too badly. Yes it has an effect but was it the cause of any issues you have problems with? If no then you might be able to just keep it in mind but put it in the past.

There was no violence in my story (that I have not told yet) but there was manipulation and I never wanted it. That's a big difference. You seem to have wanted to explore you sexuality early in a non manipulative situation. (the first)

Do you have a negative self image? Do you have any trust issues? (I can go down the list) If you don't have any big issues (that you know of) then I would not worry about it if you can be happy and enjoy your life.

And what I wrote is likely worth what you paid for it.

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Simply put, any sexual activity between a 12 year old and a 20 year old is abuse. There is no consent by a 12 year old. That is part of what is meant by the age of consent.

A lot of us think that we were old enough, and tough enough, to decide for our selves whether we participate. First it isn't true. We don't really have the ability to make that decision. There is no question that the adult knows what he is doing and that you were too young.

The idea that you felt this was a way of bonding suggests that he was manipulating you. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my mother having me undress (when I was 12) while her photographer friend took pictures, even though I did get an erection when I was naked, I was still confused about what was going on.

I discovered that this is called incest 25 years later. So we as early teens may not make good decisions about what is accepgtable and what is abuse.

Candu, Smalltown, and Genedebs- thank you for reading my post it was only my second one but I felt like I needed to explain why I am here because there are questions and I am still learning.

I am trying to open my mind to look at facts and set 11 years of feelings aside and then also maintain the family relationship I have with him.

I appreciate all of you making me think.

Josh

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