One year ago this month I opened up about my past sexual abuse after keeping it to myslef for nearly over 30 years. which opened the door that have been closed for years. I spent most of the year being angery, sad, depressed, did not know I had PTSD. The year started with me reconnecting with my family sister, brother, mom after many years of not being connected with them. Then I went to a recovery weekend that MS put on, their it opened more door which made me more angery more sadness more depresstion. See I had no one to talk with and hold it all in, till I opened up to my T. I was angery at everyone around me and took it out on them. I then wanted to kill myself. I checked myself into a treatment center to get the help I needed, was their for 8 week. Took a yr off from work to work on me for the first time in my life. Through the treatment center I was able to work on my issues and get the help needed to understand what I was going through and how to handle it all. I was also able to reconnected with god and build on my faith. I was able to meet other pp who had the same issues I had. Then I came home and did 90 meeting in 90 days, worked with my T weekely. Today I am on med for my depresstion, sadness, and the anger in gone. My faith has grown each and every day. I attend CR meeting each and every week. Went through the 12 step program two time. I am in the process of starting a support group where I live for man who been sexual abused. I also changed career this year walk away from a 20 plus year career as a chef. I was trying to run from my isues and all most gave up on my marrige which would have been the 3rd one. Because of the help I recived I am glad to say my relationship with my wife is great, all my relationship have improved. I was sexual abused from age 6-19 by two man one being my pastor, the other being my uncle, my mom was abuses as well. I also had my sitter abused me sexual. I also gave into sex act with man from age 19-21 in order to get by. I cheated on my first two wife's with other woman. I lied about everything. Was a sinner