I'm sorry... it really sucks that she won't make the effort to do something that's so important to you...

cg

I've thought about going to the communities where I lived in order to see the yearbooks. I have one yearbook from when I was in 9th grade and it seems to document my despair. I scanned some of the pictures and have actually posted them in here. Everything like that helped me to fit together the pieces.

Puffer

A friend who lives on a different continent asked me yesterday to send her a recent photo of my daughter. I got home last night, and started up my laptop to find one to send to her. I opened up explorer and sat staring at the long list of folders containing photos of her, and suddenly the tears were flowing. So many photos... so much love. And I had none. Nothing. No photos, no love. No one ever cared enough about me to want to preserve memories of my childhood.

So here's my confession: I am jealous of my own daughter. I wanted what she has. I love her more than the air I breathe, and all I ever wanted when I was a child, was for someone to feel that way about me. Sometimes I think I could have handled all the other shit if only there was someone - anyone - who loved me...

So in the end I couldn't even open one of those folders. I can't believe something like that could trigger me so badly...

Hang on Gecko,
one my friend showed me couple months ago the song that he and his buddies in junior school or kindergarten were singing for Christmas. It is song about lonely boy who is playing with snow flakes.
I were crying all evening when listening that song. Even I have many photos from childhood, even my parents were full of love and support, there were moments when I as boy was left completely alone and that feeling is haunting me ever since from time to time.
I wonder is there sadder feeling of being left alone as child ?
There are many things that could easily bring such hurtful emotions on surface, sometimes we are more fragile and we can easily get into it, sometimes we are more solid.
Hang on brother!
And you know now when I almost cried (yep it is embarrassing but true ) when reading about your feelings I just need to give you my warmest hug, you are not alone my friend

((((Gecko))))

Hey Gecko

I understand.

It if only someone cared about us the way we care about our kids.

It is unfair and sucks. I get jealous of the love and affection that my kids get from me...I wanted that. I didn't get it.

We can't change the past but we can make sure it doesn't repeat.