Hey cuda, welcome to the fight! We need the warrior to be resolute in keeping away from that source of destruction. We also need the Commander, the Doctor, the Nurse and the Rebuilder. Use these parts in your strategy to completely move away from this painful coping mechanism.

Imagine, some out there are not drawn to porn, crazy huh? Well, imagining ourselves healthy is the first step to creating that environment in our lives.

Keep reaching out for those HUGS, keep moving forward!
Sam

Ren, what a great site, thank you for bring hugs to our little corner of the web. I hope you also make a new topic in MaleSurvivor and bring this to the whole site!

I prefer HUGs!!!
{Peroperic2009}
{Mike13}
{SamV}
{KMCINVA}
{Jude}
{GoHomeAgain}
{Gmone}
{Letorski}
{theIrregular}
{EGL}
{pufferfish}
{traveler}
{tyler845}
{crazy gecko}
{genedebs}
{Candu}
{Mountainous Buck}
{Marc1267}
{Life's A Dream}
{cuda}
{Tarobuns}
{JayBro}


You men are wonderful, seeking and preferring the comfortable healing and security of a self hug or a supportive hug as being greater than po r n. HUG> po r n.

A warm, safe hug for you, indeed for all of us survivors!

Sam

Me too!

JayBro, welcome! You have been added to our growing list of courageous survivors.

thoughts after reading through this thread...

would you believe, for me, the subject of hugs is more uncomfortable to discuss than porn?

and i am very uncomfortable discussing porn.

this was very difficult to write and i am embarassed to post it, but here it goes.

hit the "submit"

Well done victor! Hugs ARE more intimate and difficult than porn, you're right. Hugs indicate that we can become vulnerable to someone we trust. Porn does not ask for that. Hugs can mean we want to reach out and support another, porn does not care about that.

I celebrate your share and encourage you to determine who is really uncomfortable with Hugs.

My best to you Victor,
Sam

i am really uncomfortable with hugs.
i do the hug where and when expected.
to avoid looking uncomfortable, i end up feeling uncomfortable.

with females it feels fake, or sexual. always inappropriate. don't like the smell (perfume, hairspray, booze, cigarettes). only enjoyable as a prelude to sex. to me it always implied consent, or unwanted affection, or secret desire. never healthy.

i don't like to hug another male, brother, son nor father. not liking the smell (sweat, deodorant, booze, cigarettes, halitosis, leather) or the whiskers. it always feels like the start of a wrestling match. it is all i can do to avoid making the first tackle. i can't wait until the hug ends.

i will do the hug, but i never enjoy it.

Please remember fellow survivor, you are innocent. The feelings of hugging to initiate sex or control did not come from you but originated from the abuser. Try to remember what you wanted from a hug prior to the abuse, to evict the abuse control from your heart and replace it with the previous memory.
I am glad that you're able track those feelings within you, that you can disclose those thoughts and be present with them is a good thing. It may be that the recovery path has not yet taken you through this process but remember, there were many things you have changed.

one of my abusers hugged me way too much. it's him i feel every time i hug a male. especially the whiskers. revulsion.