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#472403 - 11/11/14 11:17 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 461
Loc: USA
Thanks Husky. It will be the right time some time. I don't have to rush since I "hid" this for so long anyway. Told two siblings so far and they support me. Telling is freeing, but that's hard to explain why. I won't give up now.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#474142 - 12/28/14 07:19 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 461
Loc: USA
Ok, is it just me, or do others get upset or annoyed at seeing things that describe all victims and survivors as women, and all perps guys? Like a cartoon I saw recently. It meant well, but all of the bad people were males, all of the injured were women. I get very tired of the idea that women and girls are the only ones who really get abused, or get "it". Even in school I heard a few girls say "well if it happens to boys it serves them right, maybe they'll grow up and get it." I wanted so much to tell them my story and smack them into silence with guilt.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#474145 - 12/28/14 08:22 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 4937
Loc: O Kanada
you are not alone.

i am sick of gender bias and all the attention on female victims.

i guarantee you, men are far more frequently
victims of violence than women.

one sister was violently assaulted ONCE in her life.
the other sister has never been, to my knowledge.

i can't even count how many times i have been attacked,
assaulted, molested, raped, suckerpunched,
slapped, kicked, pushed, shoved,
threatened, robbed.
i feel like a hatemagnet.

in the thirty years i have known my wife,
she was given a black eye, once,
by a another woman.

i have had dozens.

i have been given stitches, black eyes,
bruises, and a broken nose by different women in the past.
some girlfriends don't hesitate to lash out,
with weapons, claws, or closed fist.
throwing things that cut deep, like dishes,
is another thing that many women have done to me.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#474162 - 12/29/14 01:51 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3707
Loc: somewhere in Africa
yep - and males are "supposed" to just take it without complaint - to prove that they are "men" - as if there is some virtue in being a silent victim. and it doesn't really "count" if another guy inflicts the injury - because that's just what guys do - and it means even less if a female commits the assault - because you can't admit that a mere woman could hurt you. there is definitely a huge gender bias going on here.
_________________________
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"


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#479076 - 03/15/15 09:56 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 461
Loc: USA
Good news. I'm speaking in public now, and about to speak to a pretty large group. There could be 800 people there. Every time I do it, it gets easier and I feel more free. Pretty cool I think, for the guy who 4 years ago could not even speak to my T, I had to write it down and read. Now I write it down and practice my presentation. smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#479082 - 03/15/15 11:07 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 4937
Loc: O Kanada
excellent.
you will only benefit from these experiences.

congratulations! big win.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#480645 - 04/12/15 03:47 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 461
Loc: USA
So now I find out that someone in the family may have known this was going on and did nothing. I don't know the details yet, but this opens up a whole new set of questions. OK, I'll face this too. Am not sure how yet but I know that ignoring stuff before never worked out well. Pressing forward.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#480651 - 04/12/15 05:23 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3707
Loc: somewhere in Africa
so sorry to hear this. when i realized that my mom had to have known what her husband was doing to me, it was devastating. i hope it is not true for you, but am sure that after all you've come through to get to this point, you will be able to get through this, too.

my prayers are with you,
Lee
_________________________
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"


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#480706 - 04/13/15 09:41 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 461
Loc: USA
Thanks Lee. I don't know for sure who yet, or how much they knew, but I know now that someone knew SOMETHING.

So I also know where this leads, face it to stomp it out too. First step is getting royally ticked off about this new bit of junk, then let it go somehow and I know how to do that too. I have not released the anger yet but I will.

We are survivors, thrivers, and we don't give in or give up and let them win!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#480719 - 04/14/15 05:15 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
Bardo Offline


Registered: 09/24/14
Posts: 285
I am also facing the hard fact that my parents must have known something about what was happening. Suddenly he was gone from the house and sent away to boarding school with no explanation. I will never resolve this as they are all dead except the perp my brother, and I am not talking to him about it. So I need to roll into the whole big picture. Thanks for posting about this, it helps me to put it in perspective.

Freeman
_________________________
Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've witnessed your suffering
As the battles raged higher

And though we were hurt so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

-Mark Knopfler

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