I'm just outside of Newcastle in England and this is the exact reason I have joined... there is nothing here for male survivors and what was available has now closed due to the restructures that have taken place in the local authorities and voluntary sectors. I am a partner of a survivor. He gave a statement against his abuser in 2010, he was sentenced to 4yr imprisonment and is being released in 2 weeks...13 July!
My partners earliest memory is around 7 until 14 when we began a relationship in school...the abuse was still going on for a period we were together.. I only found this out a couple of weeks ago.
The perp was a well known pillar of the community type of guy who groomed my partner and his family from the moment they moved onto his estate.. when my partner was around 2! so the abuse could have began a lot sooner than 7. My partners parents entrusted this man to watch my partner when they were at work and he would take him to allotments etc show him woodwork, take him on fishing and camping trips..
We rekindled our relationship in Jan 11 when my partner told me straight away what had happened as I had been introduced to this monster when we were first together. We had tea at his house apparently however I can not remember this for what ever reason and I really dont want to delve to deep for my own reasons!
We have had many isues in our relationship with his acting out. He is unable to be 'phsical' most of the time as its safer to cuddle. My partner has recently left me (he was living with me and my son) as he is struggling to cope and has returned to his mothers.
He has contemplated suicide in the past and abuses cannabis daily and alcohol regularly in order to become numb....he has vivid flashbacks on a daily basis and is just say functioning, and managing to hold down a job at the moment..
I found him in January at deaths door basically... he was killing himself with substance abuse... I'm so scared this is going to happen again as we have been told that the perp will b released into his home town! and will only be on licence until October then he is free to go wherever he chooses...
There were many other young boys before and after my partner some who have committed suicide.. One was the perps foster brother however he could not give evidence as the time limit had expired... think it has to b within 6yr or so to be tried under the sexual offences act 2003!
I completely agree with you.... there are far too many supports for the perps and not enough punishment.... the sentences are menial and meaningless...considering the SOF Act holds a life sentencing option... this man abused my partner in the most horrendous ways for over 7yr.... and he serves 18 month! has his life back can get on with it and probably reoffend.... infact I can guarantee he will.. my partner is numb, in limbo, and just say managing to survive a day.... he will live with this for the rest of his life!
Yes the sentencing definately needs to change and all I can say is when this is committed against one of their own then it will b when they see the horrendous implications and effexts this has then it will be changed...
I do hope your brother will find some peace... and he has done the best thing for him... moving away.