hey man,
I was going through replies to a post I put up on affection. You had some very good comments I appreciate very much.
I read through these a while ago, but didn't want to rush into just commenting on everyone's at the time and am looking for meaning myself here and developing while also offering support to others.
I just read though this post of yours. I wish I had seen it sooner. This has been much of what I have felt for my own unseeming end of time, but I can't say that it is that way for me every day anymore. I had gotten to a point last summer due to events I went through I think mostly that put me in a place I was so angry I decided enough was enough and stood up and declared to myself and everyone around me that I was making a major life change, whatever that meant. To this day I am grateful that I have changed some through the pain. I understand what you mean by "circles" and it seeming to never end. I would really like to connect with you and see how things are going for you. I feel there are things that are pretty mutual.
Thanks for your time and honesty,
Peace

Hi peacemaker.

I'm glad some of my rambling is vaguely usefull. What I find is there are so many fluctuations it's unbelieveable. I've been fine for the last few days, indeed extremely cheerfull, but I'm almost certain that this will not last, that I'll cycle down again at some point.

one of the hardest things I'm finding about the lengthening cycles, is that most people who know about my abuse tend to think I'm okay most of the time, without realizing everything is still there, just at a slower pace, and that in the future it'll recur, then again, there's not a lot I can do about this sinse my efforts to cope with genophobia aren't meeting with much success.

As to life style change, well I'm sort of doing that myself, or at least will be when my thesis is finished, the only irritating thing is that I have to finish the bloody thing first, indeed, aside from anything to do with abuse I really! need a change, so I applaud your decision.