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#454762 - 11/22/13 08:41 AM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
I want to add I've been posting on here for a number of years and SSA has been a huge issue for me. I want others to know that it is possible to move past them. I am. And my true sexual nature beneath the SSA is coming to the forefront of my life.

When I have SSA, which are now relatively mild, I see the feeling as an echo or reverberation from the past and from my dysfunctional childhood and illusory. I've done a lot of work on exploring what SSA means for me through reading, therapy, on this board, on another board with guys who share similar views on SSA and it is truly working. I'm getting healthier in all areas of my life and my sexuality is just one more area.

That's for today and today only. I don't know what the future holds for me but I have been relieved (generally) of unwanted attractions that felt dysfunctional and never filling the real underlying needs. And if I have them, I don't get angry at myself for them. I understand them and move on.

I've been doing self-work for a long time now that I don't know what the next layer might contain so I don't hold on too tightly to what I learn or feel today. I try to remain open. I added this last paragraph in order to stress that SSA, for me, has been very specific in a way that made no sense. I was attracted to members of my own gender that varied from my day to day life. It was very obvious that who (the type of guy) I felt a electric attraction/connection to was a disconnect from my regular life that it couldn't be anything other than a problem. I knew it wasn't shame about that being my actual attraction and society not allowing it. I knew it was a glitch in my personal eco-system and needed to be cleared up. It is being cleared up.

Want to tell guys who have similar SSA, in whatever form, there is hope.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#454894 - 11/23/13 04:12 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
Hopeful1 Offline


Registered: 07/22/09
Posts: 18
Loc: Pacific Northwest
I have found a few antidotes to SSA. I find that one of the best is giving myself permission to feel it. When I do that, they sometimes just vanish away. The nice thing about this one is it is relatively easy to accomplish. You tell yourself it's ok to have these feelings, that you don't have to act on them if you don't want to and what does it really matter if you have them or not? Accepting homosexuals in general can help you do this.

Another antidote is feeling like I am normal and good. That one can be harder to accomplish, depending on what's going on in my life.

A third is feeling loved. That one is not entirely under my control, though.

Over the years, as I have paid attention to the various things that trigger SSA feelings, I have decided that my adolescent experiences created a strong association between feelings that would otherwise be unrelated, feelings like fear, disgust, arousal, guilt and shame, all of which I associated with homosexuality.

Also, during my childhood and adolescent experiences, I felt accepted during sex, so when I feel rejected by the world I have sometimes turned to images of naked men to create a feeling of being accepted. It's not particularly helpful or healthy, but that is what is sometimes going on inside of me.
_________________________
Now hope that is seen is not hope, For who hopes for what he sees? (Rom. 8:24)

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#454896 - 11/23/13 04:47 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
SSA is another one of my many problems. In not gay and not attracted to men but when it comes to sex I have a lot of fantasies about men and I watch gay and bi porn. It's always a sexual thing. I have felt this for as long as i can remember Very rarely do I look at a guy and say to myself I could do him. I don't understand it. it doesn't bother me and I just go with it. I know it is part of me that came from my abuse. It's the least of things I have to worry about. I also think in time solving my other issues this one will fade. I guess what I'm thinking is dont stress out too much about it and not to focus on it too much.

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#471587 - 10/23/14 12:05 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
james 1959 Offline


Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 285
On the 17/2/2010 from a tortured and suffering mind and a broken hearted man i asked the question Does SSA ever go away ?


4 Years and 9 moths later i can answer that question now for my self as a survivor of CSA .

With lots of love care understanding and support from family friends and support groups it has completely gone from my thoughts and feelings in daily life but i have to add its a very stressful and painful journey to go on in recovery from CSA

i hope this message gives all who suffer from csa and ssa some comfort and hope in their painful journey they are on at present time

James




Edited by james 1959 (10/23/14 12:06 PM)
_________________________
We are brothers on a journey,and companions on the road
We are here to help each other share the burden and the Load

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#471621 - Yesterday at 01:45 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
wiresguy1 Offline


Registered: 07/21/14
Posts: 5
Loc: CT
Having been diagnosed with PSTD and 9 months into dealing with the 17 years of sexual abuse, I find myself in a very dark place today having the need to access male porn over the past couple of weeks. Over my adult life, the way of dealing was the typical disgusting things of misplaced anger, occasional hookups, etc while maintaining a marriage, family and successful career. Now at 57 I am going to therapy twice a week, open with my wife about everything and retired from the stresses of my job. What makes me feel so lost now is that I was driven to go to these sites, of which brought me no enjoyment, just disgust in myself. I need to know is this all a part of what the road to recovery required?

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#471638 - Yesterday at 07:46 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 740
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Wiresguy1,

Congratulations on getting to a place where you can begin to uncover your abuse, and begin to release it and make sense of the consequences of it.

The only answer that makes sense to me in your question "...is this all a part of what the road to recovery required?" is, it's part of what YOUR road to recovery requires. Your one of a kind, and only you can figure out what you need. I hope you can learn to not beat yourself up as you walk this challenging road.

Sending you love and support,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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