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#454762 - 11/22/13 08:41 AM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
EdfromNYC Offline

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
I want to add I've been posting on here for a number of years and SSA has been a huge issue for me. I want others to know that it is possible to move past them. I am. And my true sexual nature beneath the SSA is coming to the forefront of my life.

When I have SSA, which are now relatively mild, I see the feeling as an echo or reverberation from the past and from my dysfunctional childhood and illusory. I've done a lot of work on exploring what SSA means for me through reading, therapy, on this board, on another board with guys who share similar views on SSA and it is truly working. I'm getting healthier in all areas of my life and my sexuality is just one more area.

That's for today and today only. I don't know what the future holds for me but I have been relieved (generally) of unwanted attractions that felt dysfunctional and never filling the real underlying needs. And if I have them, I don't get angry at myself for them. I understand them and move on.

I've been doing self-work for a long time now that I don't know what the next layer might contain so I don't hold on too tightly to what I learn or feel today. I try to remain open. I added this last paragraph in order to stress that SSA, for me, has been very specific in a way that made no sense. I was attracted to members of my own gender that varied from my day to day life. It was very obvious that who (the type of guy) I felt a electric attraction/connection to was a disconnect from my regular life that it couldn't be anything other than a problem. I knew it wasn't shame about that being my actual attraction and society not allowing it. I knew it was a glitch in my personal eco-system and needed to be cleared up. It is being cleared up.

Want to tell guys who have similar SSA, in whatever form, there is hope.
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

#454894 - 11/23/13 04:12 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
Hopeful1 Offline

Registered: 07/22/09
Posts: 18
Loc: Pacific Northwest
I have found a few antidotes to SSA. I find that one of the best is giving myself permission to feel it. When I do that, they sometimes just vanish away. The nice thing about this one is it is relatively easy to accomplish. You tell yourself it's ok to have these feelings, that you don't have to act on them if you don't want to and what does it really matter if you have them or not? Accepting homosexuals in general can help you do this.

Another antidote is feeling like I am normal and good. That one can be harder to accomplish, depending on what's going on in my life.

A third is feeling loved. That one is not entirely under my control, though.

Over the years, as I have paid attention to the various things that trigger SSA feelings, I have decided that my adolescent experiences created a strong association between feelings that would otherwise be unrelated, feelings like fear, disgust, arousal, guilt and shame, all of which I associated with homosexuality.

Also, during my childhood and adolescent experiences, I felt accepted during sex, so when I feel rejected by the world I have sometimes turned to images of naked men to create a feeling of being accepted. It's not particularly helpful or healthy, but that is what is sometimes going on inside of me.
Now hope that is seen is not hope, For who hopes for what he sees? (Rom. 8:24)

#454896 - 11/23/13 04:47 PM Re: Does ssa feelings ever go away ? [Re: james 1959]
Frustrated Offline

Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
SSA is another one of my many problems. In not gay and not attracted to men but when it comes to sex I have a lot of fantasies about men and I watch gay and bi porn. It's always a sexual thing. I have felt this for as long as i can remember Very rarely do I look at a guy and say to myself I could do him. I don't understand it. it doesn't bother me and I just go with it. I know it is part of me that came from my abuse. It's the least of things I have to worry about. I also think in time solving my other issues this one will fade. I guess what I'm thinking is dont stress out too much about it and not to focus on it too much.

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