Lately, I've been seeing a lot of references to suicide and depression here, which is normal considering what we've all survived. I would like to take a minute, however, to tell you just how important it is to resist this.
I am not "preaching from on high" when I say this. I came close to killing myself, nearly hanging myself in a men's room stall. I was in the midst of a serious depression and saw no way out of it. I felt I was a drain on others. I felt that there was no end to the sadness except hell, which seemed so minisule, compared to what I was suffering here. Hell actually would have been a release at that point.
Then, I saw the others I'd leave behind. There were people who loved me and I loved them back. To die in a men's room stall, with no note, no message, nothing, seemed like such a cheap legacy to leave them. That, and the questions. Why did he do it? Was I responsible? How could he do that to me? Couldn't he hang on for just a second? Couldn't he talk to me? Why couldn't I help him.
It was a painfully stupid, selfish act, and to do that would make my whole life up until then a waste. I chose to live. It hasn't been easy since, but anything was better than doing that to my loved ones.
It also would've cheated some people of the help and service I gave them since. I don't mean to make myself sound like Christ on Earth, but there have been many people who needed me and I was able to give them the help, the tools, the courage to go on, to succeed. I've been blessed by them. They have given me so much, and I would've robbed them of what I could give them.
There are people in your lives who need that too, my brothers (and sisters!...:-)). People need you to give them hope, to make them walk tall, to supply them with the strength to go on and what they need to go further in life. Don't choose to take that away from them. Don't take yourself away from people who need you and love you.
Choose life. You will be rewarded for it.
Please find someone to help you if you feel the need to give up, to give in. You don't have to feel that way. There's always hope, even if you can't see it right now.
I didn't mean to rant on like this, but please, I have seen what legacies this can leave behind, and the miracles that can happen when you decide to go on. It will get easier, my friends.
Walk on, my brothers and sisters. Choose life.
I love you. Peace.