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#9591 - 04/10/06 10:38 AM just wacko
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
my dad uses compassion to say - have compassion for people they are not perfect -

it seems a fucked up step in logic as he says it of himself -

he - wants me to have compassion for his evil?
his pathology?

uhhhh yeah ok sally -

he is so bad - and didn't say sorry for his
actions -just says - absolved himself - quickly

not real person -

one of these things that should be flushed -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#9592 - 04/10/06 05:53 PM Re: just wacko
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5379
Loc: Washington State
Mark,

You have a right to think of him anyway you want to. You lived with him you dealt with him. It sounds like he is not sorry for the past and does not want to change his ways. I am glad you stand up for what you beleive in and don't back down to him, only forgive him if you want to.

lots of love, Nathan


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#9593 - 04/10/06 06:42 PM Re: just wacko
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#9594 - 04/11/06 12:38 AM Re: just wacko
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Mark, my father told me that he must not have done such a bad job raising me because I turned out okay. I wanted to tell him he had nothing to do with it but I suppressed the feeling and said nothing.

My father did not molest me but he did do some terrible things, he has no idea that I have no respect for him and to this day he thinks he was a great father.

I do not talk to him much because I understand that he has mental problems, I have forgiven him and that set me free from all of his craziness. Truly set me from from him and all of the crap. I am not saying you should forgive but it worked for me. I hope this helps,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#9595 - 04/11/06 05:34 AM Re: just wacko
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
but why deep down do i still need to love him? shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#9596 - 04/11/06 11:49 AM Re: just wacko
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shadow,

My own feeling on this is that a boy mistreated boy or abused by his father will still love the IMAGE of "father". He loves what he sees in front of him because he hopes that real person will somehow turn into the father he needs and deserves.

How many times did we face disappointment as children by standing there waiting for what we wanted but knew would not come? Like receiving a quarter instead of a dollar and standing there with our hand still open looking at the quarter.

Shadow, the little guy needs for you to assure him that even if the father he needs never materializes, he is still a good kid and he will still be safe. The failure of a good father to show up doesn't mean that he never deserved one.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#9597 - 04/11/06 12:03 PM Re: just wacko
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i love you guys

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#9598 - 04/11/06 04:21 PM Re: just wacko
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Do I detect a bit of hesitation in your thinking about your father? If so, I just want to add my two cents and say that whatever you feel it is justified.

I could see perhaps looking at things differently if he was willing to see the world in terms of anyone but himself, or if he had somehow seen the light and was asking for a new start.

But what I see is an incredibly callous indifference. A friend of mine once told me he would have rather been beaten than treated with such indifference by his own father. Now I see what he meant.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#9599 - 04/12/06 05:29 AM Re: just wacko
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
you know if i'm out somewhere and i see a dad and his son ,having fun ,being buddies ,i want to love that guy ,you know its like all this love is botteled up inside me for a father any father its weird i know.my biggest fear is that someday i'll forgive my dad ,because if he gave one sign that he cared i know i would forgive him everything and i dont want to do that,ever! adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#9600 - 04/12/06 04:50 PM Re: just wacko
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

If I were you I would not worry about a sudden change of heart from your father. I think how he is now is likely to be how he will remain.

Your yearning for a father figure is natural I think. Any guy would love to have a good and decent father to remember as the guy who loved him enough to look after him and keep him safe. In a way it's fulfilling a need for a kind of close emotional connection. That happens among adult men quite commonly in fact.

So who knows, you may yet find an older man to whom you find yourself looking up in a safe and healthy way for advice and support.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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