I really understand the patterns of self hatred and being self destructive. Those two emotions come from such a giant seed that was planted in each of us - unwillingly.
Self hatred and self blame are my biggest problems. I have to make sure I am not following my old style of living and thinking. It's a chore that is not only worth getting through but necessary. As hard as it is sometimes we all must deal with it.
Do not ever think you are feeling sorry for yourself. I don't buy that from anybody here on this board. I feel everybody here is going through something that has impacted each one of our lives so much that it has almost become another person. Sometimes I feel that we can let our emotions and thoughts become a being in themselves. Taking on true forms which sometimes - sadly defines our identities. Not who we truly are but who we feel we are out of fear and saddness.
Finding positive things about yourself is not easy. I know for a fact. But it is very important in defending ourselves against creating this "other" person that lives inside of us. That's the self hating, self destructive person who is afraid and alone.
Preparing ourselves to come out of our shells and leave our comfort zones is almost key to truly having a productive life. I feel each one of us has the abilities to be open and caring but we find we are blocked by something that sometimes we think is more powerfull than we are. This is just not the case. We are more powerfull than all the emotions and self destructive behavior our brain can think up. If this was not the case we would not be here right now. We would literally destroy ourselves until there was nothing left.
The fact that you even reach out here on this board tells me that you do not want to be alone or that you are completely afraid to open up to people. You do it here - but you do not give yourself the proper credit for it.
It's time we all gave ourselves credit for all the good we do. And also give ourselves credit for all we overcome in the process. We have a strike or two against us already. We need to make sure we don't create the third strike for ourseleves.