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#9194 - 08/14/06 06:21 PM Re: Drinking
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Quote:
And if you're close enough to me to care about me, then you're close enough to hurt me too.
That's a classic statement of the trust issue that so many survivors have. A young boy more or less assumes that the world is his oyster and will never hurt him. But then abuse hits him and he sees how wrong he was. Being a kid, he jumps from one extreme to the other; now he figures that the world is entirely unsafe and that terrible harm can reach out to him anywhere and any time. The only solution seems to be to trust no one, to close down emotionally and to keep all comers at a "safe" distance.

That's the lesson the kid grows up with and carries with him into adulthood. It's a hard one to unlearn, because obviously the world CAN be dangerous. We have to relearn how to trust, but also how to develop and maintain safe boundaries for ourselves.

A very wise man and cool friend once said to me in a phone conversation: "It's all about boundaries." The more I think about it the more I realize he's right.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#9195 - 08/14/06 06:25 PM Re: Drinking
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Post>
_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#9196 - 08/14/06 06:42 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I know, I know,
When I'm trashed all the boundaries and trust issues go out the window. I'll hook up with anyone, go anywhere, do anything... it's bad. You'd think I would have learned the first time! damn it


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#9197 - 08/14/06 07:07 PM Re: Drinking
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Unfortunately the past is water under the bridge and we can't change it. Nor is there any point in beating ourselves up over our past mistakes. What we have to do is learn from them and move on. It's the here and now, not yesterday or a week or year ago, where we have the power to make changes and take charge of our own lives.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#9198 - 08/14/06 07:16 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Yeah, but I like beating myself up over past mistakes... it feels good.


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#9199 - 08/14/06 08:28 PM Re: Drinking
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Yep. It sure does. It's so easy to do that, and it allows us to continue the illusion that some solution lies in endlessly blaming and trashing ourselves. The idea of stopping sucks in a way. It means we have to take risks we don't know we can endure and feel things we aren't sure we can handle.

The reward for doing all that, however, is that we get our lives back. ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#9200 - 08/14/06 08:33 PM Re: Drinking
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Do you have to be right ALL the time?


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#9201 - 08/14/06 08:38 PM Re: Drinking
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
If you MUST know ... yes. ;\)

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#9202 - 08/14/06 09:12 PM Re: Drinking
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Can someone guide me in the ancient art of living without Al K Hol in his veins.
Take away my dummy! No way! But seriously, it is good if you can, and see the real World.

I have cut down a load over the years, as I saw the toll it was taking, but my body warned me off.
When you get a sign like that, take heed.

Try and be moderate in all things as confusious says, dang,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#9203 - 08/16/06 10:16 PM Re: Drinking
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaysen:
I know, I know,
When I'm trashed all the boundaries and trust issues go out the window. I'll hook up with anyone, go anywhere, do anything... it's bad. You'd think I would have learned the first time! damn it
Someone is talking my language.

Yep, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Took me narly 30 years to beat the bottle but I am well aware of falling into complacency. Booze and my alcoholism is cunning, baffling and all powerful. I used to say "I will never drink again", but .... today I say "I will not have a drink for the next 24 hours", been saying that now for 12 years with a couple of very quick relapses on the way, I say quick in as much as they stopped as soon as they started.

Feeling shit and confused with emotions etc is par for the course with giving up booze, but stay with it .... it does pass and sure as hell it does get better.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"


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